Breast is Best

If you’re a mom, you have more than likely heard the above statement.
And as a mom you’ve made a choice, to either breastfeed/ebf or formula feed. Now granted, I believe breastmilk is the best food for baby. It’s how God engineered feeding to be. He created boobs, not formula, BUT I don’t believe this makes formula a wrong choice.
I entered the mothering world thinking that there was a right choice and a wrong choice in feeding. But that’s just not how it is. Formula may not be quite as nutritionally complete as breastmilk, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad for baby.

When pregnant with my first child I decided I was going to breastfeed. Not because the idea was particularly enticing or that I thought I had too if I wanted a healthy baby. The more compelling reason for me, was that I wanted to fit in. The majority of mothers in my church breastfed their babies, and I had seen just a few give condescending stares to those who did not.

Shortly after my son was born I took him to my breast. The pain that came with his latching on took my breath away. I winced while he fed. Every feeding of that first day was the same. By nightfall I was blistered and too tender to even wear my hospital gown over my chest. A lactation consultant checked his latch and said it was fine. She made sure I wasn’t dealing with inverted nipples. She told me nothing should be causing such blistering and such pain. So I kept going.
I kept going, through 4 bouts of mastitis. I kept going even when thrush came and the sucking was so excruciating I wept for the duration of each feeding. I kept going with blisters on my nipples that wouldn’t heal, even with the help of medicated gel pads.
I felt so confused. Women had told me that breastfeeding done right shouldn’t hurt. Now they were telling me that it hurts for a few weeks but then goes away. So I waited for the pain to end. It never did. What was wrong with me? Why wasn’t this working? I felt ragged, physically and emotionally. Just the thought of putting my son to my breast made me cry. Six weeks of breastfeeding and it had only gotten worse. So I quit.
At first I was overwhelmed with guilt, wondering how my baby would turn out on formula. Wondering which of my acquaintances might lose interest in being my friend now that I wasn’t doing the “right” thing.
But the guilt began to subside as I realized I was now enjoying feeding my son. I was bonding with him during bottle feedings better than I ever had simply gritting and crying through the pain of breastfeeding. I realized I wasn’t so irritable anymore, I didn’t cry every single day anymore and I actually felt so much happier.

Seventeen months later our second child came into the world. We were happy to have him of course, but we had conceived him a little earlier than we had anticipated. I was nowhere near ready to give breastfeeding another try so I hand pumped for a week (not as painful) to give new baby some colostrum and then stopped when my milk came in. I might have tried just pumping him milk after that had we been able to afford something other than a cheap hand pump.

Now, even though my first experience with breastfeeding was so painful and I had realized that formula was not a “bad” thing, I still dreamt of being able to succesfully breastfeed a child.

My daughter was born a little over 3 months ago. She arrived almost 4 years after my second and I had decided I wanted to do everything I could to make breastfeeding work. This time we were able to afford some additional supplies so I equipped myself.
I bought an electric pump, a boppy, lansinoh, gel pads, nipple shields, anything I thought might give me more of a chance.

The first day she fed, echoed the day of my first child’s birth. Once again the Lactation Consultant couldn’t understand the blistering and pain with such a perfect latch.
She recommended I mostly pump with one or two nursing sessions a day and perhaps I could gradually work my way into full nursing.
It was still excruciating for 4 weeks as I pumped and breastfed. But I think that the pumping and gradually working my way into nursing, was key. By the end of week 4 she was on the breast alone and amazingly by the end of week 5 I was only grimacing slightly at each feeding. Now I wonder that it ever hurt me so bad. I absolutely love nursing! It’s easier than mixing and heating a bottle and it’s free! But I love it most because it’s a miracle. I marvel at this body God has created and that it alone can sustain this precious little life for so many months. If you have the chance to experience the wonder of it, I would encourage it! But don’t burden yourself with guilt if you can’t or if you choose not too. Our personal decisions are just that - personal. We have no idea what motivations are behind others decisions and we should not assume we do. There is no, “one size fits all” standard for motherhood. And we as mothers, most of all, should understand this and treat with kindness and understanding other mothers we meet along the way.

Tomorrow marks the end of World Breastfeeding Week. If you have a breastfeeding story to share or other thoughts on breastfeeding, let me know in your comment so I can come read about it!

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August 6, 2007 | Filed Under Babies, Breastfeeding, Motherhood

Comments

19 Responses to “Breast is Best”

slackermommy on August 6th, 2007 7:09 pm

Good for you! Breastfeeding is definitely not as easy as would be expected for something that is supposed to come naturally. I had excruciating pain with all 4 of mine for the first 10 days. Once the pain subsided I was able to successfully nurse all of them for a year. I hate when I hear a nurse tell a new mother that breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt or it hurts because they are doing something wrong. It is not at all uncommon for nursing to hurt in the early weeks.
Janice on August 6th, 2007 8:47 pm

Good job! I’m glad you got to breastfeed without the pain and anguish. The fairer you are the sorer your nipples tend to be. With my first I endured the pain, the blisters, the scabs,etc for almost 8 weeks before we got to the fun part. We had no extra money for formula and I was determined to breastfeed. My son was a “popper”. He get on and pop off again and again. This is why I hurt for so long. The second and third were much easier. With third I got to the point where I could fall asleep as he was nursing and we happily slept together until he was hungry again.(Most cuz my breasts were ginormous!)

It is a special relationship, enjoy this time with your daughter.

Oh, btw, I don’t judge others. I am probreastfeeding for me but it is not my job to make decisions for other parents.
summershine on August 6th, 2007 9:07 pm

Slackermommy - I’ve had a few soon to be mom’s ask me about breastfeeding and I’ve been sure to tell them that it does hurt initially, but then within a few weeks it should go away. Though from my own experience, not always.

Janice I didn’t know about the correlation between fair skin and sore nipples. I am very fair.
I hope it didn’t sound like I was saying all pro-breastfeeders are judgemental. I don’t think that at all. I just know through personal experience that it is a very sensitive subject and there are some who are.
movingmama on August 6th, 2007 9:54 pm

Summer, What an awesome entry - and so inspiring. I think it gives a lot of hope to those who try and might not be able to breastfeed for their first babies. To keep trying was courageous!
Tracy on August 6th, 2007 11:45 pm

Experiences? Let’s just say it involved an electric breast pump, operator error and a nipple stretched beyond what it should withstand. ‘Nough said. This is a fantastic post! Thank you for sharing your story and struggles. Mommy guilt is the absolute worst and it upsets me when other moms cast more guilt on women for making a decision for their family. The decisions we make on a daily basis are hard enough. We need to support each other in all our decisions. None of us are intentionally making poor decisions for our children. Again.. thanks so much for this post! TERRIFIC!!
mommyzabs on August 7th, 2007 12:04 am

I breast fed both my boys 8 months. I could remember my whole life longing to breast feed someday. I never knew how bad it would hurt. I did not have as tough a road as you describe… I just made and ATROCIOUS amount of milk and had a let down that would battle niagra falls…. My first kept up with me easily. my lactation consultant said at 5 weeks that just on one breast he had got ton 6 oz. That is nuts. When My milk comes in I just want to scream and kick! No matter where I am it is hard not to YELP! at least. Nice and embarrassing!
I wanted to go a year… but i just couldn’t handle it. I did the best I could and realized that altering the plan does not make you a failure.. It is an important part of being mom and just the start of a long journey of adapting the plan ;)

Thank you for sharing. I’m so glad you came to peace with what you needed to do.
Sarah on August 7th, 2007 12:42 am

I’m glad I found you through my site! I swear I could have written this exact same post except for the ending. I tried with bloody breasts for six months with my first daughter and finally gave up and gave into formula. Then when I saw how much she loved formula and how much more free time I had to enjoy her, I swore I’d never breastfeed again.

I just had my second baby and by her two month birthday she was on 100% formula. I even tried pumping with the second but was just sick of my boobs being swollen with milk. For me, this is the best compromise to make baby and momma happy. I can’t believe that some people have the gall to judge others for how they feed their children. I’ve never noticed if anyone is giving me disapproving looks when I stick a big fat bottle in my infant’s mouth but I’m quick to herald my decision to anyone who asks. If nursing had worked better, I’d have done it. It’s not political, it’s PERSONAL.

And yes, it may be better for baby’s health to breastfeed. It would probably also be better for baby’s health to be in a glass bubble for the first ten years of their lives but this isn’t always practical either. I don’t fall for the whole “baby first” thing because the physical and emotional health of the mom is directly tied to that of her child.

Boy, I’m ranty tonight!
summershine on August 7th, 2007 9:27 am

Tracy - “None of us are intentionally making poor decisions for our children.” Exactly!

Mommyzabs - Thankfully overactive let down is something I don’t have to deal with. I’ve heard many moms describe literally spraying milk across the room. Having your baby choking on your milk in addition to normal breastfeeding woes would certainly make it so much more difficult.
And 8 months is a fantastic amount of time for BF. I am setting little goals for myself. My first was to make it to 3 months, now it’s to make it to 6 months. And so on.

Sarah - I don’t fall for the whole “baby first” thing because the physical and emotional health of the mom is directly tied to that of her child.
Agreed! I like the saying, “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” It really is true. How can you expect to spread happiness to others if you aren’t happy yourself?
cheryl on August 7th, 2007 4:12 pm

I’m always tired hearing about the Breast versus Bottle debate, because of the reasons mentioned.

My first experience was similar to yours, except not as lengthy. My daughter just needed a binky –she was a very strong sucker and would go for hours if I let her. But the Lactation lady told be that under no circumstances was I to EVER give her a binky before she was 2 months old. Idiot. After 6 weeks of hell, my mother took the baby, gave her a binky, and miraculously I healed, the baby was on a schedule, etc. etc.

Determined not to let it happen again, my latter 3 children have all had binkies. :) I was lucky enough to nurse them all without the pain. Very lucky.

But you know, it’s not just the guilt women get about not breastfeeding their babies, it’s also the guilt we get when and how we wean them, too.

With my first, I weaned her at 8 months for very selfish reasons: I went on a vacation with my husaband. My second was weaned at 8 months as well; she had been biting me for four months. My son was weaned at 10 months; he was also a biter, but lost interest in it himself.
My youngest is now 6 months old and we’re going strong. However, he’s also a biter, and when his teeth come in, we might have to re-visit the subject.
With each child, I have been met with rude comments from women about how awful I am for weaning my children before they were a year old. Or, in some cases, before they were 4 years old.
Seriously, what is the problem? I just don’t get it. Thanks for this post. It’s good for women to see that it’s not all black and white…
summershine on August 7th, 2007 4:56 pm

Cheryl - I didn’t realize some women give others grief if they don’t breastfeed as long as they think mothers should. And how frustrating for you to run into some of them bold enough to comment on it. I certainly hope women like that are far and few between.
kelibbysmom on August 7th, 2007 7:17 pm

I did entertain the idea of breastfeeding my first child. The truth is, I never really wanted to. My initial attempts with my first entailed a great deal of pumping, which frankly horrified me. I have never really talked to anyone about it, but the decision to not breastfeed my children was not difficult. For some reason, on this particular issue (but not on sooo many others), I don’t care what others think. I want to do what is best for my children, and literally going crazy with anxiety was not best for them. My six-year-old and my three-year-old have developed soundly thus far.

I know it is important to share a closeness and bond with your child in that crucial first year. Breastfeeding is one of many wonderful ways to achieve that. The bond of mother and child can be created in numerous ways. Foremost, by being calm, content, and stable, a mother can facilitate the feelings of security a child needs to thrive.

Thanks for the post and thanks for the many non-judgmental comments. I think we could all do with a little more of that!
summershine on August 7th, 2007 8:05 pm

kelibbysmom - “The bond of mother and child can be created in numerous ways. Foremost, by being calm, content, and stable, a mother can facilitate the feelings of security a child needs to thrive.”

Beautifully said!!
Hey, why haven’t you started your own blog yet? You know you’d have at least one faithful reader from the very beginning. :)
kailani on August 8th, 2007 5:59 am

You’re right, breastfeeding is the ideal way to go. However, it just didn’t work for me. It was hard to find time to pump during the flights when I was at work. I don’t think formula is a bad thing.
Lene on August 8th, 2007 1:10 pm

I also had problems breastfeeding my first. I carried a huge amount of guilt because of it.

I tried with #2 and it took. It was much easier with him than his brother.

Great post!
Laane on August 8th, 2007 8:01 pm

I have tears in my eyes.
This was so written from the heart.

I’ve breastfed 7 children and pumped feeding for a child I’ve never seen. (Needed breastmilk in hospital).

All times it was different.

I have gone though the same as you. Such pain… and how glad I was the baby didn’t sense any of it.

And sometimes it just was as easy as could be.

But there is no average mom, and no average child.

God made women to have breastmilk. But he also made people who could make formula.

Like you I feel respect for every baby, and every mother.
It’s the love that counts.

Thank you for sharing this.
Christine on August 8th, 2007 11:28 pm

While I agree that bre*st feeding is best, I feel that whatever works best for the mother and baby is what’s important.
I agree with the above comment, with my 4 children each time was different.
Beautiful post.
Corrie on August 9th, 2007 1:14 am

I enjoyed nursing each of my children. It is interesting how different they were from each other as far as styles and weaning are concerned.

I only got to breastfeed my last one for 6 weeks due to a cancer treatment that would have made my milk toxic to her. Sigh.

If I had it to do over again, I would’ve put off the treatment (hindsight shows me that it wouldn’t have made a difference in my health) and enjoyed the nursing time a little longer.
Sunny on September 13th, 2007 1:07 pm

Thanks for posting this, and thanks for leaving me a link. You said a lot of what’s been on mind the past year, and you wrote it beautifully. Hugs!
Liza on May 19th, 2008 8:19 am

I’m a little late at commenting, but oh well. :) I really wanted to breast feed for the entire first year as well when Libby was born. I didn’t have the excrutiating experience that you had, but I don’t produce a whole lot of milk. I was able to take my tiny baby through 5 1/2 months (I started supplementing at 4 1/2 months) and by then I was pumping and pumping and only getting enough for one feeding a day. I quit. I cried. Life went on and she is just fine. Grace came along…I was just as determined. We got to 4 1/2 months and once again, my body just didn’t have the milk. I quit. I cried. Not as much this time, but I am with you, I am still determined that I will figure this thing out. At the same time, I know that Grace will turn out just as fine as Libby is. I’m glad for the time I was able to breast feed, but it is time to move on in life. :) Thanks for the post.

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