I Quit!!!
I hope I’m not the only mother out there who has those days. Days where the fighting and the whining and the yelling between sibliings all culminate in mom joining the turmoil and everyone ending up in tears. I had one of those days yesterday.
It happened to be in the car. A spat over sharing chicken nuggets and french fries ended up with our car in the nearest parking lot, mom yelling, food confiscated and everyone crying. I shakily picked up the cell phone and called my husband.
“I can’t do this anymore!” I sobbed into the phone. “Sometimes it’s so hard to be a mom!”
I explained the situation and other frustrations that had been building and he calmed me down. He listened and empathized with me and I was soon composed enough to finish running errands.
I wish that was the end of it. I wish I knew that an episode like that wouldn’t happen again, but it always does. And when it does I feel like giving up or like I’m a crummy mother. But motherhood doesn’t come with the option to quit, so I go on. Sometimes strong and purposefully. Sometimes staggering, blinded by tears.
I love my kids. But like all kids they often do things that frustrate or anger me. Count Dooku is one sharp little five year old and he has always called me out on everything I do. For him there is a question behind everything I ask of him, and a reprimand for everything I do that I’ve told him not to do.
Then there is Obi-Wan. One of the most loving little boys on the earth. He still snuggles with mom and is always willing to give lots of hugs and kisses. But he is also extremely frustrating at times, in an entirely different way. Obi-Wan has been in speech therapy for over a year now. We still don’t very often understand anything he says beyond a three or four word sentence. His mentality is also not up to par with your average 4 year old. There are certain concepts he simply does not get. Patience and Time for one. He doesn’t understand the concept of later or wait. If you tell him he can have something later he thinks that is a “No” and ends up communicating his disappointment in the best way he knows. Crying or whimpering. And when I say crying I mean bawling and throwing himself on the floor and being so loud the neighbors down the hall can hear him. It’s been so difficult for both he and us as parents not being able to understand each other. Our speech therapist actually recommended we take him to a neuropsychologist to get him evaluated for something more serious than a speech delay. And of course that has opened up a whole new realm of worry for me.
I suppose compounding the latest meltdown, was the fact that we have all been sick with nasty coughs and colds. *sigh*
I love my children deeply and I love being able to stay at home with them and be their teacher. But it’s not all roses all the time ya know?
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11 Responses to “I Quit!!!”
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Hmmm, sounds a bit like my night last night and a memorable trip to the library… I wish I’d been able to have my hubby calm me down though.
I hope everyone’s feeling better soon and that you can get some answers from the neuropsychologist. Abby’s somewhat similar except that instead of a meltdown when you tell her ‘later’, she just keeps asking over and over and over anyway… Very frustrating.
Oh he does that too. Or he whimpers until you do whatever it is for him.
Thanks for the encouragement.
Oh, man, I get this! I have had too many “I quit” days this summer (school starts next week! Wa-hoo!). I’ve had my own melt-downs, and I’m sure my kids think I’m whacko. But honestly, it’s really hard sometimes not to just give up.
You’re not alone! Just hang in there –I know we all do. ;)
That was my morning. We are doing better now.
As a mother of teenagers, I can say: it does get better.
You’ll miss those toddler days eventually, believe it or not.
I’m sorry you are dealing with so many unknowns with your son - I’m sure that is really hard…
And, yes, I’ve thrown up my hands many times hoping that my kids Real Mommy would come and pick them up, because I coudn’t believe I was qualified to do the job.
Oh those meltdown days! The light at the end of the tunnel flickers out of sight, and yes, you wish for however long a moment that quitting was an option.
When I feel like a crummy mom, I try to remind myself that I love my kids. It wouldn’t be so hard if I didn’t. And there are kids out there whose parents don’t want them, don’t take care of them, even hurt them.
So yes, I freak out and get overwhelmed sometimes, but I’m a good mom. And so are you.
nearly everyday i have breaking moments. lol just most of the time i can catch myself before it’s too late. however, tonight wasnt one of those nights. i “lost” it, too. perfectly normal. it still stinks when it happens, though.
i just dont know why siblings have to fight over so many things and so often. i dont recall this with my brother, but my mom might sing a different tune LOL
sorry you had a bad day.
PS
Got your comment on my blog…so sorry to hear about the problems you’ve had with depression and losing your friends to suicide. i’ve lost a friend to it, also…very tough. when i almost lost my mother, though, that was THE hardest time in my life.
After two weeks of either myself or my kids being sick, “I QUIT!”
I tried to call in sick last weekend to my husband, but he mumbled something about my being out of sick days. Grrr…!!
We all have those days, and they always suck. But I think it probably helps our kids understand that we’re human too. Good luck, you are a good mom!
My latest “I Quit” moment:
My two-year old was hopping around and screaming. He sounded twice as loud as usual because the percocet I was taking (to help ease the pain of my recent miscarriage) made my ears ring. The room was spinning and my back ached. My Mom had been there the day before helping out, but handed my care over to my loving, but obliviously unhelpful husband. He was playing an XBox game. I wanted desperately to sleep. Finally my son was playing quietly with a toy, and I nodded off, only to be woken up by my husband:
“Can you make us some pizza?” He asked.
The memory of driving myself to the ER (during the miscarriage, gripping the steering wheel through my extremely painful cramps, and trying to see the dimly lit streets through my tears) because he was too embarrassed to try and call our neighbors a second time in the middle of the night to see if they could let our son sleep at their place while we both went to the ER, was still all too fresh in my mind.
“Can you make us some pizza?” It was at that moment I wanted to say: “I quit!! It’s too hard to be a loving wife! ” I took a deep breath, and instead of telling him where he could shove the pizza, I calmly told him that it would be really nice if he could make dinner today.
Although I had to walk him through every step: how to pre-heat the oven, what a cookie sheet looks like, how to set the timer on the microwave… it ended up being the best Digiorno pizza I’ve ever had.