Edward and Bella: True Love or True Lust?
Sparked by a recent conversation with my friend Hillary, I have decided I need to post my thoughts about a certain series of novels written by Stephenie Meyer. Particularly the relationship between one, Bella, and the object of her affection. The supposedly uber hot vampire, Edward.
Believe me when I say Edward has been well cast in the movie which is scheduled for release in December of this year. I thought Robert Pattinson was exceedingly good looking when I first saw him in Harry Potter (as Cedric Diggory) and I eagerly await his debut in a role that will likely earn him unending fame amongst giddy teenage girls for years to come.
But enough about young hot guys whose posters would have hung on my wall as a teenager.
Besides having a knack for catching spelling and punctuation errors I think a lot about how a certain book might influence it’s audience, and what I think the author should have done differently in writing it based on that.
Can you see why I haven’t written a novel yet? I’m too busy thinking about subtle messages I want to convey instead of the actual story. But I digress.
The main audience in the case of the Twilight series, are a bunch of giggly teenage girls with egregious romantic notions that play out in their daydreams over and over, or which they speak to each other in hushed tones during sleepovers. Oh, and grown women who are often silly school girls at heart. Ahem….
***Warning - Spoilers Ahead!***
I devoured all three of Stephanie’s books, each within a day of borrowing them. I didn’t think much about them initially. I was caught up in the intense romance, the stunningly accurate view through a teenage girls mind. I identified immensely with Bella and her feelings of being so very ordinary. I also understood her intense attraction to Edward. I always crushed on the mysterious guys. The dangerous guys.
But the more I’ve mulled over this vehement love story, the more concerned I’ve become in what I anticipate will be its ending. Especially when thinking about the thousands of teenage girls who worship this series. So I say….
Bella really needs to break things off with Edward.
Let me offer up my reasons for this before any of you kick me:
1. Holy Co-Dependent Relationship Batman!
Co-Dependant relationships are never healthy and Bella and Edward have got a doozie of one going on. It may not have started that way but it’s turned into that. Grieving for those we’ve loved and lost is certainly natural but Bella took it well beyond that point, ceasing to be anything but a drone doing only what she had to in order to survive after Edward left. Then of course Edward has sworn to kill himself shortly after the time Bella has died.
Sweet? Romantic? Not on your life.
Other problems with their relationship that hinge on co-dependency:
* Lack of interaction with other friends and acquaintances
* Bella’s mental attention focusing solely on relieving Edward’s pain i.e. If she’s a vampire, he won’t struggle with wanting to kill her anymore. If she’s a vampire, she’ll finally be worthy of him.
* Feeling her life is meaningless without him.
2. Bella is being smothered
Edward and his family are controlling Bella. They may not be doing it on purpose but that doesn’t make it any better. Bella seems to attract danger and Edward feels the need to protect her. He watches her all night, she gets driven by them everywhere. She rarely does anything of her own accord or by herself and when she does she know she’ll face Edwards disapproval afterwards. Their relationship has become more and more like a naughty little child disobeying their master. *shudder*
3. They don’t really love each other
They lust each other. The only basis for Bella’s devotion and supposed love that I can find are descriptions of Edwards danger and his beauty. And do you think for one moment that Edward would have taken a second glance at Bella (other than to eat her) if he had been able to read her thoughts? He was bound to be obsessed with the first girl who had the power to block him out. They are enchanted by the mystery of each other. Is this love? No. Could it turn into love? Certainly. But book three definitely had their relationship getting more and more icky.
4. My belief in number 3 was only reaffirmed by the part Jacob has played.
I won’t tell you that I think Bella should end up with Jacob instead. But it would be healthier than being with Edward. Being around his cheerful and friendly self brought some vigor back into her life. It was good that she didn’t perceive him as a possible love interest or she may have latched on to him in rebound as she had to Edward in the first place, becoming more needy and dependent on his feeding her constant reassurances than she had been with Edward. Slowly and without force, Jacob’s friendship brought her back to life, and though she still grieved for Edward she was finally living again.
I also agree with Jacob that eventually she would have been happy without Edward. She would have maybe even realized that her love for Jacob was real and something deeper than the one she had with Edward. Alas that Edward has to go off and try to kill himself!
As an adult I’ve looked back on some relationships I had as a teen in which I was sure I really loved the person. I did care deeply about them. It was love of a sort. But not the kind that would have withstood the fizzling of passion and the inevitable changing of beliefs and shifts in personality we make until we die.
So Stephenie Meyer, if you’re reading this, do you really want to send a message that co-dependent relationships are romantic? That ceasing to live for yourself is romantic? That being willing to kill yourself over the one you love is romantic? That love is based on mystery, danger and good looks alone?
I don’t care who she ends up with ultimately (though I do hope that if it’s Edward their relationship improves) but please do us all a favor and have Bella learn to think and live for herself and grow out of this sickening neediness and willingness to be controlled.
Alright, why am I right? Why am I wrong? Keep it respectful please.
Comments
76 Responses to “Edward and Bella: True Love or True Lust?”
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we’re having our RS book club this month on this book and I’m totally printing your post and using it! (with your permission, of course.)
love, love, love these books and can’t wait for the movie. I just hope Bella isn’t tooo whiny.
i just finished reading the looking glass wars, which is the first in a trilogy about the “real” story of alice and wonderland. and i LOVED the strong female role models in this book as opposed to dumb bella swan in the twilight series. don’t get me wrong..i was as entranced and addicted to the twilight books as the next woman. but, frankly, bella is pathetic.
p.s. your reasons for wanting bella to choose jacob over edward echo mine.
I don’t like either one. Bella is a very selfish gal, i wish there was some way for her to grow up, and somehow she has to want children. It just doesn’t make sense to me.
You have summarized excellently exactly the problems I had with this book. I’ll be linking to this from my own blog (which I gave in the website address above). The message being conveyed in these books is *disturbing*. I think I identified less with Bella (I confess I mostly found her annoying). And while I understand that Edward’s behavior may be historically accurate for his era, he needs to be sat down and told to quit it.
There is something Lolita-ish about their relationship. I understand her appeal to him. ‘Singing blood’ (er, raging hormones allusion much?), plus the fact she must be a *relief* from the constant mental chatter. (And as you point out, she’d be far less interesting to him if he could read her mind.) But really. He’s 100+? Even if he acts disturbingly like a 17-year-old at times. (Do vampires get ’stuck’ emotionally at the age they were when made vampires?) And while he is certainly ‘dangerous,’ oddly I found that to be less of a worry (since he obviously seems to struggle against that) than the AGE issue.
Bella needs a boy her age. Edward needs a woman his age (which is probably only possible with another vampire).
God save them from getting married.
I’m hear via the link from Minisinoo’s LJ.
…and I agree completely. Honestly, it’s like you read my mind when you were writing this. You’ve actually made me think of a few new things as well, such as the fact that Bella’s relationship with Edward is based on lust rather than love. It seems obvious now that it has been pointed out to me.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
It is not exactly what I am thinking but it is close.
Edward has a point when he insisted on Bella having human experiences. The one fault Bella has is that she is so single-minded about the changing that she forgets to ponder any other possibilities and Edward is not helping.
I have one point where I really disagree with you. The smothering thing. She seems to be in constant danger of getting attacked by an vampire, so as the Cullens are the only ones who can protect her, they need to close to her. I agree the “Edward being in her room all night” thing is a bit too much but the rest sounds reasonable for someone is in danger of getting killed. What bugs me is that being her bodyguards, the Cullens are way too close to her.
Well, for the sake of the teenage fangirls, I really want them to marry and Bella to have first time sex with him and Edward changing her (because at the bottom of my heart, I am one of those fangirls.)
I didn’t even read books two and three. Number one was absorbing, but I didn’t love it. I actually gave mine away. My only response was that I sincerely hope that my daughter does not act that way. Ew!
I was an arrogant, self centered teen (as most are) but I was never obsessed. I got over the obsession thing in 9th grade. Thankfully!
I agree with most of the comments here. Bella annoys me no end. She’s always thinking “What’s so great about me?” and I always agree with her.
Jacob annoys me even more. He’s so bitter and lame.
I think these books had some interesting ideas and great potential but just weren’t executed very well. A lot of it seemed very contrived to me.
I’m skipping to the end of this just to say hi. I haven’t read ‘em yet and frankly, I’m scared too!
Thank you so very much for posting this! I grew to loathe Bella and Edward in turns as I worked at reading the third book. Their relationship is so co dependent and dysfunctional it’s not funny. I did love the sharp contrast with how she behaved with Jacob. We saw so much of who Bella really is when she was with him, risk taking and dangerous behavior aside of course.
I am mildly excited for the movie and hope the fourth book does not irritate me as badly as the third did.
My daughter should weigh in on this, she LOVES those books.
I spent the entire third book hoping that Jacob would have that werewolf attachment thing happen so that Bella would snap out of it and wind up with him.
Alas… it was not to be.
My sister-in-law’s teenage niece has been acting out her ‘girly fantasy’s’ after reading this book, by dating (attaching herself to?) a senior in high school - she’s not even a freshman yet! Her mom asked her “Why do you like this guy? Is he cute? Nice? A gentleman?” “No.” was her response to those 3 questions. Fortunately, she was able to convince her to stop being a dork, giggly girl, wise up, and get away from him before the permanent damage was done.
Sorry. I haven’t read these books, nor do I plan to. But from what I’ve heard of them, I kinda hope they ‘fade away into the back shelf of the library’ before my daughter enters teenage-dom. IMHO (LOL) I guess I just don’t ‘get’ them.
I got your blog link from Minisinoo. I agree, their relationship is very codependent. Edward acts like a 17-year-old, despite being over 100-years-old. The term I’ve been using is “infatuated” to describe them, not in love. Bella seems more like a 30-something with a degree in English literature with disdain for her classmates.
Personally, I hope that Bella does improve her self-image in the fourth book, and that Edward stops being so overprotective, although I felt like he was just protecting her, up to a point, because of Victoria. The truth of the Cullen’s smothering or protecting will be revealed in book 4, I think. Were they protecting her because they didn’t want to see what would happen to Edward if something happened to Bella? That’s my question.
I personally think that Bella and Edward will end up together, because, really, SM will do that. I think she just will. I have the feeling Jacob’s going to imprint on somebody and forget all about Bella, and all she’s going to have left is Edward. If he’s being a co-dependent dork, still, I shudder at the thought.
You already know that I agree with you. I’m making a link to this post because you say all of this way better than I ever could.
I agreed with everything! Great post. I’ve only read the first one and I thought it was so overrated. I love what you said about the fact that Edward would never have looked twice at Bella if he could read her mind. She’s annoying, selfish and weak. I have the other two books on hold at the library and I’ll read them when they become available, just to see what happens, but I don’t understand the whole hype behind them. The first one wasn’t even that well-written. She tried too hard for the big, heaving romantic stuff in the beginning. It was too forced and not natural. It took me until I was 3/4 of the way through it before the book really captured my attention.
I don’t get the hype. Especially from grown women. Teenage girls going nuts over it, I can see. Grown women? I don’t get it. But, then again, I don’t get the hype over High School Musical either. And grown women go nuts over it too.
Whatever.
By the way, it still doesn’t like me…
Movie??? Did you say movie? Holy wow batman!!!!
i just bought the first in the series. I have two books that I am trying to finish before I start mainly because I fear that once I pick them up…I won’t be able to put them down. :)
This sums of a lot of what I think about Edward and Bella. I don’t know if I’d say that their love is clearly not real, but Stephenie Meyer just doesn’t do a good job of making their love convincing, which makes it seem very much like it is entirely just obsession and lust. The scenes with Jacob and Bella are written so much better because they’re more subtle. They have to be because she’s an unreliable narrator and doesn’t even realize she’s in love with him for a long time, so we are only shown in little ways that there’s something there while Bella is actually saying the opposite. Strangely enough, this somehow makes their romance so much more believable and real. It feels inevitable rather than forced and ridiculously exaggerated.
I think there might be a chance of Breaking Dawn not giving some horrible message to young girls about what love should be like if Bella goes through a lot of changing before the end of the book, which I’m sure she will have to. I think there might at least be a chance that Bella will decide not to become a vampire. I wrote an essay explaining how I think it would be a bad decision if Stephenie Meyer didn’t keep her human, which you might be interested in looking at: http://flowrs4ophelia.livejournal.com/72101.html
A lot of it contains the same feelings about E/B’s relationship as you’ve written about here, but I also wrote it to point out how there are alternatives to Bella becoming a vampire that are still possible even if there’s no way she’ll end up with Jacob. I need to have something to cross my fingers for reading the last book even though I know Jacob/Bella is not going to happen. Haha.
I personally would like to see Bella have some distant native american ancestry and turn out to be a Werewolf herself. Then she could take care of herself, she could imprint on someone else (not Jacob OR Edward), and maybe she would grow a backbone! Bwahahaha!
While parts of this series royally tick me off, I actually enjoy the bella/edward duo.
I agree that many aspects of the relationship (and characters/plots in the series) can be dangerous for impressionable minds.
I don’t find Bella weak or pathetic. Physically, yes, but not in character or resolve. She holds her own, and I think that’s why Edward is drawn to her.
As for the movie–I think Stewart is spot on, but I’m not all the way sold on Pattison. Nothing against him, but I picture Edward more along the lines of Chace Crawford.
Thanks for a thoughtful post. :)
I read the first book when it came out, before it got all huge. I thought it was so so, and didn’t like the way certain things were being glamified for a younger audience. I have been known to read romance novels. However, I don’t want my teen age daughter reading romance…(when she is a teen) and I will try to screen it from her. If that makes me controlling, so be it. I read a lot of stuff as a teen that I never, ever should have…its not just that it was romantic, it is the affect it had on me and my relationships.
I’ve been saying this for awhile now! I really don’t care for the books or the characters, they are pretty much just romance novels with a vampire backdrop. Lust lust lust! Almost all, if not all, the characters are immature and shallow. Bella makes me want to scream because she’s so annoying I don’t know why people like her because she’s so whiny…
On Stephanie Meyer’s blog it looks like there’s quite a cast going on for the movie.
Camille - Of course you may print this post
Aubrey - I will be checking out The Looking Glass Wars now that you’ve recommended it
Corrie - I agree that Bella is very selfish
Minisinoo - Thanks for the link and your thoughts.
Susan - I agree that there are a great many obvious contrivances
Magirk - That kind of thing is exactly what I’m worried about
Sara - You said it so well with this:
The scenes with Jacob and Bella are written so much better because they’re more subtle. They have to be because she’s an unreliable narrator and doesn’t even realize she’s in love with him for a long time, so we are only shown in little ways that there’s something there while Bella is actually saying the opposite. Strangely enough, this somehow makes their romance so much more believable and real. It feels inevitable rather than forced and ridiculously exaggerated.
Nic - Funny that I’m more sold on Pattinson than Stewart. I suppose she’s fairly average looking, just not quite how I pictured Bella
Dapoppins - This is the first modern romance I’ve read (usually avoid the stuff) but so many people told me I had to read it. You can bet I’m not going to let my teenage girl get into these books if they don’t end more appropriately. Stephenie Meyer has a chance to teach an important lesson. I keep hoping she’s contrived these examples of horrible relationships to shun them in the end instead of glorifying them but I’m not seeing things turning that way.
I am so glad to have been forwarded your blog link. You’ve echoed my very sentiment. I confess I finished the books in less than two days (Sometimes i’m a silly school girl too). I was caught up in the ultimate romance of the novel and ignored the rest. I agree that Bella is not a character I can empathize with. She’s weak. SM had the chance to make her much stronger in the end of book three with that whole fable of the woman who sacrificed herself. Bella makes an attempt to do this but fails miserably and her effort was pointless since Jacob was just faking his injury.
This coupled with the fact that Edward is controlling, obsessed and treats her like a child. I’d kill a guy who treated me like that. The relationships aren’t healthy. It’s kind of the Grease syndrome (nice girl has to change EVERYTHING about herself in order to get the guy she wants). Bella is only happy and fulfilled when she is away from Edward. When she’s with him she is very much the needy clingy child, incapable of caring for herself.
It’s a sad message to teens about love, respect, and companionship. And any teen that thinks they can sleep together every night and not have sex is totally fooling themselves.
WOW - I loved how you analyzed this and how everyone has their input! I haven’t read this series, but I want to see the movie - I love vampire movies and I love Robert Pattinson! I feel like a dope not being able to contribute - sorry. I enjoyed your perspective though. See ya. Kellan
WOW. I so very much agree. I don’t know if my mom has posted a comment yet (too lazy to read right this minute) but if so, sorry for the possible repeat in opinion.
Bella is a better person when she’s with Jacob. Not that she deserves him. And I agree with everything you say and would add to it… why do girls think they have to change themselves - everything about them - giving up their entire lives and priorities for “the bad boy”? I and my mom/sisters all thought Bella was stu-pid. But still loved the books anyway. And still of course love Edward. And perhaps Jacob even more, but of course agree that the story line should (more like *would* go the way of Edward).
I think this may be the first online article illuminating the issues with Bella’s co-dependent relationship. I’m so glad you wrote this :)
Thanks for the comments. I’m rather new at blogging and wasn’t sure how to contact you to say thanks. This works…but I realize that the comment will be irrelevant to the discussion.
I haven’t read anything in the Twilight series (I’m on a “fiction strike” right now.) But after reading your thoughts on the love story, I don’t think I would like the books anyway. I HATE romance movies or stories that send a bad message, especially to teenage girls. Loni and I were actually have a similar discussion about the popular romance movie “the Notebook” the other day, and we both agreed it sent a terrible message to young girls. Kudos to you for pointing out the not so subtle message found in this “romance”.
I’m glad you wrote about this. Everyone I talked to loved these books and it was hard for me to find someone to voice my concerns to. I only read the first one, and I liked the adventure. The romance bugged me. It was a little too much, and I definitely found it lustful. There was the brief mention of the ‘favorites’ game between Bella and Edward which somewhat indicated they had gotten to know each other a bit on the ‘friends’ level, but not much was said about that.
My two biggest bones to pick were:
1. Edward was more important to Bella than the well-being of Bella’s family or anybody else. When she went off to leave her father, she mentioned her concern about hurting him, but it immediately left her mind. Regarding situations with Edward, she was obsessed, but when it came to her father, she never mentioned her him again. Then she wanted to be a vampire, not caring that might cause her to kill people (ruining lives) and not caring what it would do to her parents. Edward became her life.
2. It’s really not practical. Apart from her becoming a vampire (which would be most upsetting considering the constant struggle she would have to go through to not eat people), they would have to work out the age thing. She’d become a lot older then him and then die. Although the heart is important, the head should also be a factor in relationships. The mind really wasn’t a factor at all in considering the compatibility of the two.
There are other things I do appreciate, the first being that the story isn’t full of immorality but is still a popular romance. The adventure really addicts me, too. Another good thing was watching Edward overcome his crazy impulses… he doesn’t eat Bella at the end even when he has to suck her blood. At least self-restraint was exercised. I liked to think of it as a metaphor because it was a young weak girl (who of course, did put herself into the situation with a full knowledge of what might happen) completely relying on the strength of resistance of a hormonal man (vampire) who choose a good thing. This was in fact evidence of Edward’s personality, and I’d like to hope part of Bella’s affection for Edward was based on those types of qualities he has that she discovered along the way.
Maybe Meyer is planning a surprise ending in which Edward eats Bella and teaches teenage girls to stay away from the dangerous guys. Just kidding. That would be lame. I do wonder how all these issues will be resolved at the end while hopefully teaching a good lesson of sacrifice and true caring.
If they don’t end up together, I’d be fine with it. Sometimes the strongest evidence of love is to be able to let someone go for the sake of their happiness.
Julie - Good points, especially your last sentence, “It’s a sad message to teens about love, respect, and companionship. And any teen that thinks they can sleep together every night and not have sex is totally fooling themselves.”
Kenna - Send your mom on over. I’ve been hoping she might have something to say about this
Meisha - I’ve never seen The Notebook. Don’t know that I ever will based on your thoughts about it.
Sarah - I agree with you completely about Bella’s selfishness. It’s very true that many teenagers put their friends and romance interests before their family. But that doesn’t mean that’s ok.
Thank you so much for writing this! I have several friends (who actually introduced me to this series) and I have noticed that my friends who adore the E/B pairing are the same ones that have made similar choices with relationships in the past. I’m not saying every E/B shipper has relationships like that, but I do think a lot of people read this book and expect that romance and marriage and love in general is supposed to be about being, as SM put, addicted to each other and about giving up everything else. I’m only 18, but I don’t believe I will ever make a decision to put one person above every other part of my life.
I think SM is going to make a cop-out, quite frankly. She’s already said that the POV of future books will be different (one rumor I’ve heard is half-Bella’s POV and half someone else’s). I think she might change the direction of the story before she would have to confront the difficulties and responsibilities as a young adult author in discussing this choice.
I really like the books and enjoyed them a lot, but it does concern me because I know so many people (and, I hate to say it, but I remember being a preteen girl and I’m certain I would have done this) who don’t distinguish between what works in fiction and what works in real life. As a novel, it’s enjoyable, and though I would prefer Bella ending up with someone like Jacob, I’ve reconciled that it will end with E/B. I just wish people wouldn’t take messages from this book like that is the only kind of love worth having.
As far as Bella herself goes, I don’t find her that annoying, just because her level of insecurity and feeling unworthy I think is something so many people go through, whether or not there’s a guy involved. What I do not like about her is that she basically decides the Cullens are amazing and seems to conclude that no one else is. The way she talks about her schoolmates actually offends me quite a lot; first co-dependent relationships are okay, then it’s okay to assume that all of your peers are shallow, superficial, cruel, and unable to take a hint? I don’t really buy when the Cullens praise Bella’s kindness; she’s one of the most judgmental characters I have ever encountered. Most teenagers actually do have personalities and brains, thank you very much.
I once thought that co-dependent relationships could work out okay as long as they had people around them who could take care of them and keep them from being self-destructive. The Cullens provide that safety net for Edward and Bella, who otherwise would have died out of their own self-loathing/pity/destructive tendencies. I now realize that a) no relationship’s success should rely on factors outside of the relationship and b) there are better ways to love and live your life.
Thank you for writing this and bravo!
Holy crap, girl! You must’ve touched a nerve. 32 comments??!!
I read all the books. I enjoyed all the books. I want to grow up to be Stephenie Meyer, because her books are not brilliant necessarily, but they have the whole world talking. She wrote it for teenagers, but you’ve got all the mommy bloggers weighing in here! Hahaha! Seriously. Break me off a piece of that success!
I think you have a lot of good points, and I love that you wrote this post.
First of all, lets just say I was enthraled with these books from the start. In discussing them with someone who had never read them and trying to tell why I couldn’t put it down, I couldn’t explain it. So I have come to the conclusion that it is just very well written story that pulls you in, no matter how stupid and annoying the characters can be. I think Bella is a wonderful character, because she is a pin point of what most teenage girls are, slightly under confident and unable to comprehend that others do not see her the way she sees herself. Don’t we all suffer from this slightly? I think I can be pretty confident and I know my own self worth, but I often do not expect others to see it or recognize me. I am continually surprised when people remember me or know who I am if I have not had a lot of contact with them. Who am I to remember? Anyway, I think that makes Bella very relatable. I also understand her attention to Edward. She was never interested in the ordinary, even annoyed at what most girls would be thrilled at, being asked to the prom by 3 different guys! So of coarse it would be the out of ordinary that would attract her.
As for Edward. I have pitty for him. He can never sleep (I love sleep and sometimes it is the only thing that can clear a bad day away!), He must always hide who he is, and he can never age or die. I know a lot of people would argue on that one, but I don’t think that is a blessing. Also we think how cool it must be to read peoples minds, but how horrible a curse would it be at the same time. He could never have a normal relationship! This is the one part that I disagree with you on, although I see your point that he was only interested in Bella because he can’t read her mind, I think that is their saving grace. I think it is the only thing that gives him a chance at having a normal reationship. I was first interested in my hubby because of some very stark differences I saw in him compared to other guys. He intrigued me more than he attracted me, but that intrigue grew into respect and love. The excitement and newnest of Bella is what I believe enables Edward to love her.
However, I do agree that that their relationship developes into a not so great one. it is like they take their intrigue and mold it into obsession. Obsession is never a good thing. They both become rediculous. I just wanted to shake Bella and tell her how stupid she was! She let the heart break become her life, not even trying to come out of it. I think it showed sefishness, and even more so immaturity. And Edward was just as selfish, although I believe he was trying to keep Bella away from the horrible life he knew, he was only thinking about himself when he tried to comit suicide. So two selfish, obessive people do not make a good relationship. I also agree that they, especially Bella, let lust get in the way of forming a more normal relationship. If the motive was love and not lust, they would not wallow in the self pitty that over came them.
I have a few more things to say, but will have to finish later!
#31-
My only concern is with your second point. Of COURSE it’s not practical. Ummm, we are talking about Vampires, aren’t we?
Other than that, I get what you said. :)
Summer, I find this post very interesting. Surprisingly, I actually agree with it all. But three months ago, I would have freaked out on you. Here’s why I would have (and all my friends):
Being far removed from teenage angst, we mothers of small children (this is what matches most of my friends) indulged ourselves into a little “Edward-Candy.” We became obsessed –OBSESSED! –with this mysterious and charming vampire. We dreamed about the books, about him, about us with him. We thought about it all the time. We devoured the three books as quickly as we could. We cursed to ourselves that the fourth book was not out yet! We visited the websites, read about SM, got excited about the movie…
And then, a few weeks went by.
Now, being removed, we realize that it was JUST THAT. A fantasy that we indulged in for a little time. We think of those moments with slight shame and embarrassment. Do we get upset we read them? No, and I don’t think any of these commenters truly hated the books. But we do now see them as we see them –a girlish fantasy of vampiric proportions. :)
Anyway, I’m glad you wrote what you wrote. It makes perfect sense. And if the rumors are true, I do hope SM fixes their relationship. I truly do, because yuck, Bella better not end up with Jacob!
P.S. Summer, I would read any novel you wrote. Even if it sucked. ;)
Talk about OBSESSED! A 30-year old woman at a retail store here had the name “Edward” tatooed on her wrist. He’s her everything. Ha
Sarah - I really liked your point about Bella shunning humanity in general. She really never gave any of her schoolmates a chance.
Kathie - I think Bella is a wonderful character, because she is a pin point of what most teenage girls are, slightly under confident and unable to comprehend that others do not see her the way she sees herself. Don’t we all suffer from this slightly?” That’s precisely why I identified with her so much. I was very much like that as a teenager.
Cheryl - These novels are very absorbing. As I said above, I first read them without really giving them a second thought. I simply got sucked into it. But after I digested it a bit these issues began to pop out at me.
Gramma Ducky - WOW!
I finally read this series and although I enjoyed them, I didn’t quite understand why everyone was so in love with these books for nearly all the reasons you mentioned.
Most excellent post … and I agree, too. Bella had more to her life when she was with Jacob.
Haven’t read the books, haven’t been tempted, probably not of interest to me. I have enjoyed the dialog about the books. I also wanted to weigh in as #40
I completely agree with you. My DH says he doesn’t see it, and maybe it’s because I’ve been through toxic and controlling relationships myself, but the whole Edward/Bella thing makes me nauseated and angry.
This is what I posted about it recently on my blog:
http://alisaterry.blogspot.com/2008/01/edward-is-voyeuristic-pedophile-and.html
Okay - thank you so much for putting the Spoiler Alert on there… I think I’m the only person on the planet who hasn’t read these… sigh… time to give in??
OK, so I don’t have any problem with what you are saying about the realtionship but i think you are missing the fact that the “obsessive” aspect of Bella’s love for Edward is supernatural. For goodness sake, he’s a vampire. And the fact that Meyer explained imprinting just reinforces the fact that Meyer is highlighting the fact that relationships with mythical creatures are NOT normal. I hate obsessive teenagers also but this goes beyond the petty schoolgirl crush. This is reinforced also by the fact that Edward feels the same way. Edward is like 100 years old.. i think if he could stop being obsessive than he would.. and the same goes for Bella.
Even though I believe all that I just said I want Bella to choose Jacob but I could never imagine Bella being strong enough to do it. And quite frankly, if I were her I would pick Edward also. (remember what i said about the supernatural aspect). And if you were in the situation don’t kid yourself into thinking you would DEFINATELY pick mortality. You’ll never know so don’t judge.
You’re spot on–and there are even more reasons the phenomenon drives me crazy. I read the first book only, and while I sped through it (she’s a smooth writer), I didn’t really enjoy it. The last section was the best because something actually happened instead of the characters sitting around talking all the time. I didn’t get the chemistry, either.
I can see how teens would love it, but I’m one of the crowd that doesn’t get why grown women swoon over it. I have a neighbor who picks up one of these books when she’s mad at her husband so she can pretend to be with Edward. Okay . . .
I sincerely hope my daughters won’t pick them up–with any luck, the craze will have passed by the time the oldest has any interest–because it’s such a horrid example of what a relationship should be.
And yeah, Bella is beyond annoying.
A friend of mine lead me to your blog as i just finished the 1st book and am waiting for the Library to get the other two in for me to check out. So, I totally agree and am happy that others feel the same. But, I had to remember once the book was over that as a teenager, I would have LOVED IT! As a 34 year old mom, I was a little creeped out. Yeah, totally co-dependent. I kept wanting to say, “Get some space guys!” But as a teenager, I would have loved to have someone totally in to me that they would never want to leave. It actually makes me really happy that I am older and wiser, but still young at heart. PS: I am SUPER excited about the movie and the Edward character. Oooooh, Eye Candy. I had a hard time figuring out what Edward looked like in my head. His face kept changing, so now it will be a nice face to think of when I read the other two. Don’t worry about spoilers. I am a read-ahead kind of girl.
Caroline - I don’t think I passed any judgment on Bella’s decision based on immortality in my post. But I can safely say that if the price of immortality was eternal murder, I wouldn’t pick it. But I am a deeply religious person to begin with and Bella is not.
Annette - Yeah, I definitely don’t want my daughter worshiping this book when she is a teen. Maybe I’ll let her read it, but only if she’s pretty well grounded already.
kilpatrick - Yeah, I’m petty sure I wouldn’t have the same qualms with it if I was still a teen.
Thanks for your comments.
i understand everything u havesaid but i do recall how bella told jacob that she’d rather edward be ugly and not rich then it would be even.
i believe that was in eclipse when jacob was talking to bella and the blad eagle picks up the fish on first beach in La Push.
if she thought that then she must have more than just lust for edward.
its TRUE love if u ask me
I agree 100%. I pray Bella ends up with Jacob. Bella and Edward don’t really love each other, I hope it’s just sort of representative of everyone’s first love and that Bella too will mature and choose Jacob.
In class today, we were discussing the difference between “I love you because I need you” and “I need you because I love you”. I remained slightly confused on the subject, but my bff and I looked at each other and thought the same thing: Bella.
She can’t live without him. That sounds horrible to me.
I’m writing a paper on the Twilight series, and was wondering: Would you mind if I used this entry as a source?
Thank you,
Jamie M G
the whole twilght started because she fell in love with a vampire thats basically the whole story. Bella and Edward should be together forever, Jacob is too young for Bella and certainlty not mature! I get if some people think that bella is goin to end up Jacob, in my oppinion i dont think so. BTW bella and edward r super close they love each other more than anything even though it will have to kill her!
I finally finished the 3rd book. I had this post bookmarked so I could read what you said about it. :-)
I totally agree with you! I really don’t understand why she wants to be with Edward. She’s totally obsessed which she thinks is love. She just wants his body. She thinks she can’t live without him because of what happened when he left her, but she started living normal once she was with Jacob. It doesn’t seem like she really has thought things through, she’s just obsessed.
My husband read them too, and we agreed that we are not sure we would want our teenage daughters reading it (hypothetically in the future, since we don’t have any daughters–yet :-) ) because of her relationship with him. It really is not a healthy one.
What do you think of Romeo and Juliet? Not that Stephenie Meyer is Shakespeare, and of course times are different, but don’t you believe in true love? Is there a specific age people are suppose to fall in love? Also, from my experience love usually starts off as lust. They are young, but they have gone through a lot together. I don’t agree with everything in the books, but they are fiction. I think many couples begin with the needy, can’t get enough of each other stage, but the relationship changes and grows, and matures. Many relationships aren’t always balanced or perfect. It doesn’t mean the persons in the relationship don’t love each other. In fact, sometimes it is those times of unbalance when true love comes out.
I think we should wait until the last book comes out before we pass our final judgement. I hope Edward and Bella do end up together. Afterall, true love should prevail. I guess I’m just an enternal romantic optimist. :D
As a social worker, woman and mother, I totally agree with your views of Edward and Bella’s relationship. As a hopeless romantic, I do love to read SM’s books. I hope their relationship matures, guess we’ll find out in less than 2 months.
All so true.
Edward and Bella do have a scary relationship that is beyond unhealthy.
Also have you read chapter one from book four? It seems like the relationship witll take a healthier form.
I am actually with you on this… while I would choose Edward fro myself, if I had a daughter, she would have to end up with Jacob…And, since I know I would care more for my daughter than I do for myself, the answer has to be Jacob.
As far as the lust thing goes…when I was 17 I was definitely lustful. Those first “love” emotions are insanely strong. Part of the magic of the story is that it takes you out of the laundry room and back to a time when your whole world was yours…
I think Stephenie Meyer takse her responsibility to her teen audience seriously. Having Bella give up everything for a guy cannot be the way to go.
So, I think, somehow Bella is going to have some power to change Edward back to human.. there you go Steph, run with it.
Okay, first off I want to say that I agree with you on ALL of this…don’t think I’m just picking a fight here ;-)
I think that we are all (me included) reading into this a little too much. Yes, the relationship between Edward and Bella isn’t what it should or could be, BUT a lot of the people reading these books don’t even take it as that. The way that it was written makes it so easy for teens to understand.
EVERYONE I have ever spoken to (for more than 5 minutes) in the past has said that they have felt themselves not good enough at some point in their life — I spent many years feeling that way myself. Steph is telling teens (through Bella) that they are not alone in feeling that way! I can tell you that these books helped ME realize that! It actually helped me get over those feelings.
On the relationship aspect, teens COULD on subconscious level process this as “this kind of relationship is okay”, but a lot of the teenagers I know that are reading this aren’t smart enough to realize that, even subconsciously (no offense). It’s COMPLETELY different reading about this relationship or actually BEING in one like that. Most can tell something is wrong.
The fact that some girls are going to get into relationships with older men is inevitable. Forbidding it to happen is only going to make it worse…make it more appealing. The more you worry, the more the girl wants to get into that relationship. I’m not saying that the book didn’t have anything to do it — maybe it did — but you can’t blame it entirely on a single book series! That’s like blaming the war on a book/movie about world war 3…hello! IT JUST DOESNT WORK THAT WAY! Did you ever consider that maybe the girl LIKES the boy she’s with? Just because it isn’t love yet doesn’t mean it can’t become love.
Sure, maybe the fact tha Edward can’t read Bella’s mind had something to do with the initial attraction — but Steph herself has said that even if he COULD read her mind, it would not be different: Bella’s mind isn’t like that of girls’ her own age. He would be intrigued by that fact.
I could go on…but I think this has gotten a little long…one last thing.
If the relationship was the way you want it to be, you’d still find something wrong with it, wouldn’t you?
It’s like Miley Cyrus: If she didn’t pose topless or have all these less than Christian photos floating around the internet, I’d still find something wrong with her…just because.
By picking this series apart, you’re only making the problems you stated worse.
hehe..i agree with you on some..that edward and bella’s relationship is really…..you know..^_^..but..i still think that bella and edward should be together cause they love ea. other a lot!!..and even though jacob does bring her to life…thyre better off as friends!!…
oh…I will begin by warning that i don´t speak english very well…I’m portuguese…
=)… but i would like to give my opinion about this… i think the felling between Bella and Edward is TRUE LOVE, even thinking that Edward loves Bella more than she loves him. In my opinion, Edward is a litle superproctetive about Bella, but he is that way because he really loves her, he would die for her, like Romeo does.
Don´t you think Romeo really loves Juliette??Don’t you think it’s true love.. a love for eternity… I BELIEVE!!
don’t get me wrong, but people should preserve some beliefs, some dreams. I know that it´s fiction and the real life isn’t that way, but no one sayd these books are an example to teen girls’ real life.. They are a way to learn to overcome some problems, a metaphor to real life. I’m not saying that girls should give up their own life to have someone, but what happens when that person become their reason to live. Why don´t live of and for that person if that person lives of an for us. Isn’t it a dream, Isn’t it Real love?? I think it is.And i’m only seventeen years, just like Edward. You can think i’m stupid and antiquated, but i have a boyfriend (who is mine for two years…lol….) that i love so much, and i think my life would never be the same if he goes away from my life. I love him so much, and it is not fiction or any book story. I’m dependent of him and he depends of me. I’m not saying that i would jump from a cliff if he goes away, but i certainly would act like Bella(and my life is not a fantasy book with vampires…=)…..).
Edward is a vampire, he thinks he is horrible monster. However, he loves someone, he cares about someone. how could a monster be that way. He saves Bella’s life many times, he’s so sweet with her, he only wants her good, he leaves Bella, suffering, but only because he thinks it’s the better for her. How coul you say he is selfish?? No….he could be everything less selfish.
About Bella, I identified my self with her, even thinking what he does with Jacob it’s Wrong (giving him hope while she knows that she can’t live without Edward; kissing him, without intentions to stay with him and left edward), but, who’s perfect?? NO ONE. I like Jacob, and i think, in part, she could be happy with him, but i think BELLA should end up with Edward. She really loves Edward, even when she “founds” that she also love Jacob (but not in the same way). Bella says: “i know who i can’t live without”….. She can’t live without Ed because she loves him so much. I like Bella, she’s just like me: low self-esteem, a ordinary girl, trying to live without complications, but there are so many complications that we can’t fight. I really understand Bella. Because of this all, i think Bella is a normal girl, with a normal life, that find her true love, her reason of living, Edward Cullen, and, after that, her life would never be the same.
Finally, i think we all should have a kind of magic in our lifes… It’s essencial to be really happy. But, in the other hand, we should not mix the real life with fantasy if we don’t want to be disapointed with our life, if we don’t want to stay insane in this world that, sometimes, don’t have a rest of happy fantasy.
Anyway, i liked to see a different opinion. It’s always good.
stay ok
I see the same problems with Edward and Bella’s relationship. However, I do not agree that being selfless is not romantic. It’s the reason they love each other. I agree with the part about them being too physically attracted and not enough attracted to each other, though. I wonder how that will change when Bella becomes a vampire… The characteristics that attract Bella to Edward will not be as potent…
*Note: “… physically attracted and not enough attracted to each other.” above should be “…physically attracted and not enough attracted to each other personally.”
Hello, I got the impression that most of the comments are made by mothers. I am a 16 year old girl, about to enter Junior year in high school, and I noticed a theme while reading the comments that I wanted to address.
First of all, I do not exactly believe that the books were written extremely well and in fact, the writing was actually quite plain.
However, I disagree that the message was necessarily a bad one - one that teaches co-dependency is romantic. I think the story on a whole is quite appealing to young teenage girls because at this time in our lives we are learning about what it means to become a woman, and what type of people we are attracted to. I think that in that aspect, Stephenie Meyer hit the hammer on the nose, if you will.
Also, I think that because the story is a low-key “teenage” romance novel, it moves the imagination and I do believe that as teenage girls, we know that it is not real, and we know that real life love generally forms from something deeper than what Edward and Bella have. I still do not believe their relationship is unhealthy, I believe it is perhaps an example of what a loving relationship COULD be, given time, and really, would any woman hate to be needed and need with such a passion that her heart would break if separation were to occur?
A few mothers, I think, mentioned that they did not want their daughters reading these novels. I believe that banning books is the worst form of censorship there is. Books are for people to read and come to their own conclusion about them. Books, no matter what genre or style, are a form of free expression, as is reading them, and intelligence is gained, in any shape or form, no matter how small, from reading any book in the world.
All comments have very good points, as does your post. Me, personally, I loved the books. Being a library lady, I’ll read anything I can get my hands on. I also read these books in about a day. While I’ll admit, I love Edward, it brought me back to my (ahem) unhealthy relationships in high school. I was always the person who wanted what she couldn’t have. I’d like to think I’ve grown up and am no longer like that. Sure I’d like to have Fergie’s body…but it won’t happen. Bella was (is) like that too. I totally understood her.
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Thanx for articulating my exact thoughts while I was reading the books. Unfortunately I don’t think there is much Stephenie Meyer can do with the huge amount of Edward/Bella fans out there, I think they would totally threaten her life if she ended the series other than with E/B. There are some really weird people out there.
On the other hand you’re right if she needs to end it with E/B (and I think this is inevitable) she should really work on their relationship, because as it is of right now it’s all but a healthy one!
Again thanx for writing down everything I thought while reading!
Amen…. I sincerely hope that she doesn’t end up with Edward. Their relationships has me screaming “RUN” at the top of my lungs.
[...] Edward and Bella: True Love or True Lust? [...]
I’ve read all three Twilight books and am first on the library’s reserve list for Breaking Dawn. I agree with you about the relationship between Edward and Bella. I’m a Jacob fan. So far I haven’t met a single teenage girl that thinks Jacob is worth anything. ugh
wow, very insightful. I will admit I started reading this series because my teen daughter was so caught up in them I had to see what it was all about. When the whole “I’ll kill myself if I can’t have you” started happening and the depression, it bothered me. I personally have a problem with teenagers dating period and for getting married so young. at least stephanie meyer refuses to write about pre marital s*x. i personally am part of “team jacob”, as a mother, i think bella will regret not being able to become a mom and she could have that with jacob.
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I love Stephenie Meyer’s ability to describe characters and emotions so clearly that we can see and feel the story. I can’t imagine parents letting their pre-teens read it because there is too much sexual tension in it - but for everyone else it’s a great love story. Wouldn’t we all love to have someone like Edward who would protect us with his life? What a great fantasy.
I normally don’t read romance novels, and some of the writing did remind me of those. But, if you don’t dissect the book and just read it, it’s a very beautiful love story.
Bella did get very tiresome by the third book with her whining and sobbing for Jacob. I love the characters of Alice, Emmett and Jasper and can’t wait to see them in the movie. Bella probably doesn’t deserve Edward. Maybe the story should have been written for an older audience, but then . . . where would you find such a rabid group of fans if not for teenage girls.
Ok . . . I loved the books and the vampires. Bella and Jacob, not so much. I’ll be sorry when the series ends. Hopefully, they’ll make all the books into movies and we won’t have to give Edward up quite yet. I’m kind of scared at what will happen in Breaking Dawn. I don’t care enough about Bella to be happy for her if she decides against staying with Edward.
I’m probably one of those giggly eyed girls, but I love the relationship between Edward and Bella. Jacob actually completely annoys me. He tries to say that he’ll have a normal relationship with Bella, but that’s a lie. He’s a werewolf! I think that Edward is completely in love with Bella by the way he treats her, but not sure about Bella’s feelings. I’m gonna just go with their hopelesly in love with each other.
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please.i happen to really like these books.i have looked at some websites,its true.some teenage girls look at edward in there heads and think, “Edward is so hot!” and “IF HE WERE REAL HE WOULD BE MINE!” it really is unreal.some people…………. well anyway,i love edward and bella TRULY! not cause he’s “hot” cause he’s sweet,funny and nice.same with bella.i highly recomend this book.
PLEASE DONT SPOIL BELLA AND EDWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
as apossed to jacob…………
well i dont think he’s right for bella.and i dont like him.no offence to people who do.i mean he MADE bella kiss him.but i have to give him props.he healed bella,and i thank him for that.i love bella as family.plus,i hate to idmit it but he would be healthier for bella.as jacob said “bella he’s like a drug for you.i would have been healthier for you not a drug,but the sun the air…..
***This contains spoilers about Breaking Dawn!!!***
I was just surfing the reviews for Breaking Dawn when I came across this. I read the first book and loved it for reasons I’m still not sure of. It was rather poorly written, the plot was flimsy and transparent AT BEST, the characters were, for the most part, very flat. But still, I enjoyed it as a guilty pleasure. (I think it must have some subliminal messages, like words hidden between words. Otherwise, how did it become so huge? It is simply -not that good-. But I liked it too - what gives?) But I digress from what I came to say. I liked where Twilight ended - unsure and unfinished. I like that in a book - it gives me the chance to finish it how I want to. But then New Moon and Eclipse came out, neither of which I have read. And then, Breaking Dawn. I heard it was the official last book, so I wanted to know about it. I didn’t buy it, of course, seeing as how I didn’t get the middle 2. All I read at the end was “Bella and Edward lived happily ever after. The end.” and I was intrigued. So I pieced the story together from the ubiquitous bad reviews I found online. What a travesty. She could have done so much more, she could have delivered a powerful message of love, strength, and sacrifice. But instead, she delivered fanservice. Bella and Edward sex for the hormonal teenagers. Violent sex for the closet masochists. A baby for the women who wanted to see Bella grow up. And a happy freaking ending for everyone. Come on! Stephenie, this series is simplistic, there’s so little that is redeeming about it! But people will keep on reading for reasons even I do not fully understand. And I do have to admit I haven’t actually read it, I just know the plot (or rather, the lack thereof, which Stephenie seems to always struggle with in the Twilight books [I got the gist of New Moon and Eclipse from reviews and friends who read them] ) so there’s a chance I’m judging unfairly. But as a feminist of sorts, I am a bit offended that all that is important in the world to Bella is Edward. She doesn’t want an education, she doesn’t want a job, nor a family, nor real life experience. Just her boyfriend. Again, come on! I won’t be reading New Moon, Eclipse, or Breaking Dawn. (or if I do, I will definitely be borrowing them because I won’t feed any money into books aimed at impressionable teenagers with messages like the joys of co-dependency. What a way to convince young girls that the only thing that can make them happy is a dangerous boyfriend.) I just hope the next modern literary phenomenon is something with a good message, like the last one, Harry Potter. (Harry Potter was a wonderful series even if the entire last book was pretty much fanservice as well, so all the shippers were happy in the end. But the core messages of the series [sacrifice, strength, overcoming fear, the power of goodness, the redeeming power of love, good triumphing over seemingly immortal evil, friendship...I could keep going.] were all positive and beautiful.)
anyway, it’s love not lust. love……….love………..love
How did I miss this thread when you first published it?
Amen! Amen! Amen!
I totally agree with what you said. It is fluff reading… and scary fluff for teenagers. It is the antithesis of what we should be wanting our girls dating/falling in love with.
I am so glad to finally find someone else who feels the same way!
Were we twins separated at birth?
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