An Award and a Thank you

Just so you all know I was never considering quitting the blog, just wondering if I ought to try to change things up, but then as you made me realize, it’s better to just be me. Even in all my emotional and writing style swaying glory. So thanks for your kind comments.

Deb over at Mom of 3 Girls has bestowed upon me a very flattering award:

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About this award: “This little award is called The Daily Dose - and here is all the important info to tell you what it is about and where it came from. This is a tribute to all the blogs that you’ve discovered that you can’t possibly live without. They make you laugh, cry, think and feel connected every time you read a post. They give you a thrill as you see them loading into your browser and you get an equally satisfying thrill when you see that they have commented on your blog”. From Xandra: creator, The Daily Dose Award.

Deb said she reads my blog religiously and doesn’t consider her day complete until she’s had the chance to see what I’m up to. Call me emotional (uh, duh) but it really touched me to read those words last night. So thank you Deb.

All of the blogs I read are ones I check daily, but I’m going to give this to:

Kimberly of Temporary? Insanity. Kimberly has likely already been given this award because I know she has drawn a lot of readers with her up front nature about herself and her thoughts on life. If you haven’t visited her blog, you’re really missing out. I so hope to meet her in person one day.

Have a lovely weekend everyone!

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January 19, 2008 | Filed Under Awards | 7 Comments 

Who am I?

Some of you may have noticed I’ve been a bit sporadic in my posting as of late.

I’d like to think it was all due to a certain little project (I’ll talk about later) I’ve been busy with. But truth be told, I could be posting regularly if I really wanted too. And that got me to wondering why it is that I’m not all gung ho about posting anymore.

And I think it’s because I’m confused about whether or not I like my own blog.

You see, I don’t have a focus for this blog. And I can’t decide if that is good or bad. Nearly all the bloggers I read have some trademark to their writing. Some are always funny, some are always thoughtful, some are always spiritual. And then there is me. My writing sways with my mood for the moment. I never know what I’m going to write. Lately I’ve been intense and dramatic. Before that I was finding the humor in life with children. There is no consistency in my writing styles or what I write about.

And I’ve realized that this is not just something I’m unsure about in blogging/writing. I’m unsure about it as a whole. I mean, really, who am I?

Am I the pensive, brooding woman I sense here? Am I the emotional and cautiously hopeful woman I sense here? Am I the thankful, contented woman I sense here?

How can I really know who I am when my mind is constantly shifting emotions? I’m annoyed with not being able to be the same person all the time.

There seem to be so many different versions of “me”.

January 17, 2008 | Filed Under Mental Health, Random | 29 Comments 

Exhale

There are moments when a flood of memories rushes through your mind.

In the span of a single breath, your pulse quickens, your eyes stare blankly, and the pain or joy of many moments plays across your face.

Then comes the exhalation. The recognition of who or what you are staring at that triggered those memories. The realization of the life you are living now. The immense gratitude or sorrow that things are not the way you thought they would be when you were living out those memories.

All this, in a single breath.

My baby was the trigger and my reaction was joy. She is my miracle. She was only a shadow of a dream in my thoughts two years ago as I struggled with the effects of a medicine interaction gone terribly awry. Today, in the span of one breath, I felt the despair and panic all over again and remembered knowing that my life would never be the same.

And it isn’t.

But not in the way I had anticipated.

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January 14, 2008 | Filed Under Family | 16 Comments 

The Colors of Friendship

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Michelle at In the Life of a Child awarded me over a month ago and I’m finally getting around to acknowledging it. Thank you very much Michelle!

All of you are deserving of this award (so take it if you wish)but I’m going to pass this on to specifically to:

Cristy at The Mrs. Formerly known as Mustard

Cheryl at Happy Meets Crazy

Thanks to all of you who read and/or comment. You’re such great bloggy friends!

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January 12, 2008 | Filed Under Awards | 9 Comments 

The Piano

She sits slumped over the black and white keys, hands in her lap. Her eyes are closed as she slowly rocks forward, letting her head drop. She stops, her nose so close to one of the keys it tingles in anticipation of the actual touch. A single tear forms in the corner of her closed eyelid and begins it’s descent down the slope of her nose. It tickles her skin yet she makes no effort to interrupt its descent. Now it clings to the tip of her nose and stretches, bridging the gap momentarily between emotion and release.

Her hands, flaccid with grief, find their way to the keys. Time to play. Time to escape. Time to transfer the grief into something palpable. A song for her sorrow. The fact that she stumbles through the creation does not hinder her emotion. She is still slumped over the keys as her fingers fumble for the notes that will ring out the true feelings of her soul in this moment. Her body sways side to side, back and forth, trembling at times under the weight of so much feeling. But as she continues she finds herself getting stronger, or perhaps her burden getting lighter.

She still sways but with an upended posture. Her body now trembles with release. She weeps freely, salty drops splashing onto the keys below. Though blinded by tears, her fingers more sure of their course, play the right notes effortlessly. They convey adequately the depth of her sorrow, and then suddenly, something she did not expect. This, a mistake of her fingers, yet it rings true in her heart. She thought to be consumed with grief, but sure as her fingers played it out over the keys, she feels it. Hope. Determination.

She finds the despair is flushed from her by a desire to overcome. She weeps no more with sorrow but with conviction in her ability to choose. She can choose for her life to play out differently. She can choose to remember without being brought down into despair. She can choose to face the darkest parts of herself without thought of escape or denial.

She will not let the song of her soul be one of monotony.

This post was entered in January’s Write-Away Contest at Scribbit

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January 10, 2008 | Filed Under Group Writing Projects | 16 Comments 

Kid Speak #8

When you’re a baby, it takes intense concentration and immense effort, to poop. Angel Girl’s grunts can be heard throughout the apartment. Her face goes red and her eyes glaze over. After she had finished one such episode this evening I began to change her diaper. Count Dooku came our way and stopping in his tracks with a look of amazement on his face said, ” I didn’t know girl’s could poop!!”

Me: *silence and amazement*

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January 8, 2008 | Filed Under Kids | 15 Comments 

A Break

I took a slight break unintentionally. It’s been a very long time since I went without posting for more than a day or two. But sometimes you just don’t have anything to say. Or maybe you have something to say but your mind feels too muddled to make it interesting. In any case I’ve also been busy doing this. The site was already there, I just volunteered to redesign it. The header, the buttons, etc. So what do you think, do I have a future in blogspot blog design?

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January 8, 2008 | Filed Under Random | 17 Comments 

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