How many perspectives does it take to change another?
At least two. If you’re me anyway.
See, I’ve been hit with a double whammy in life:
1. I am a woman
2. I am a woman who deals with depression, anxiety and OCD.
As if being a woman wasn’t hard enough. Double, nay, triple those emotions and mood swings and that’s what I’ve got to deal with. It’s a miracle I still know my own mind even half the time. The other half of the time is when I get another’s perspective. Like today.
Today Count Dooku is off from school. In the mid-morning, like usual, I tried to get Angel girl to nap. She refused to go to sleep on her own. Cue the boob. As she sucked, Angel girl began falling asleep so I transferred her to her crib. She woke up during the transfer and screamed in her crib for 20 minutes, refusing to go back to sleep. So I brought her out and tried again. This time the transfer was successful. Hurray! I knew that she would nap for precisely two hours if undisturbed, so I explained to her brothers not to go in the hallway and to keep their voices down. From there I planned out my two hours. I would wash dishes for the first half and exercise for the latter half.
The dishes only took 30 minutes to hand wash and just as I was sweeping up the kitchen, thinking of the wonderful waist trimming exercise ahead of me, Count Dooku raced by the kitchen revving his hot wheels monster truck at top speed down the hallway. It made a horribly loud roar. I half shouted at him, trying to keep it quiet, to get out of the hallway. A moment later the dreaded baby wail sounded over the baby monitor.
In an instant I was angry. Very angry. I shouted at Count Dooku to go to his room. I think sometimes sending them away in that moment of intense anger is more for the benefit of the child than the parent. I think I yelled/growled at the top of my lungs in frustration as the babies cries got louder and at that moment a break down became imminent. All the frustrations of the week, some held in for even longer came tumbling out in tears and possibly a throwing of the broom onto the floor.
Luckily, I’ve been through enough break downs to know I needed a different perspective. Or maybe I should say unluckily. In any case, it was my poor husband who had to try to make sense of the garbled words I was sobbing into the phone. He reminded me that even he has forgotten about the sleeping baby before and barged into the room making a racket. So my heart was softened toward our 6 year old when I was reminded that sometimes my expectations for his behavior and memory are a little high. Hubby couldn’t speak long, so then it was off to call the momma.
The momma always has words of wisdom and help. And an uncanny ability to draw out the real why behind the break down. She also the ability to draw out the fact that I photo shopped my double chin out of a picture I recently posted on my family blog. But that made me feel sheepish and brought laughter to the tears.
I won’t go into the why of my breakdown. Just that I figured it out, and that’s a start to making sure it doesn’t happen again. At least for the same reasons. Because who am I kidding saying I’ll never break down in sobs or frustration again. It comes with being a woman. But I’ll always find a resolution when I look outside of the emotions of the moment and the blinding tears to someone with a different perspective, who can help make mine clear again.
EDWARD YOUR A HAMSOME GUY ALL IM ASKING IS FOR BELLA TO HAVE THE BABY AND PUT...
Yes, yes, and yes! I totally understand and I agree. Perspective can change everything; and you are wise to know that the breakdowns will happen again. They always do. It’s how we cope where we can make them better! (or slow them down, anyway. :) )
Thanks for this. :)
I’m so thankful that you have an understanding husband and an amazing mother and I love that you were able to share this side of your life. I am so inspired by your strength and wisdom. Thanks!
Big hug. Perspective is huge, but unfortunately it always takes me some time to find it. And by then, I’ve yelled and threatened and need to apologize!
Thanks for a great post.
I think we all get these breakdown moments. And honestly, I think we need them. Maybe not the anger, but just a moment to cry and release… I hope you’re doing better now! Hugs!!
Breaking down is part of life; I do it too. At least you’re taking steps to understand why you break down and to do something about it. That is truly admirable.
It helps so much reading posts like this…knowing I’m not the only one. Here alone at home with the kids I lose touch so easily with the concept that there are other women with the same type of issues, suffering in similar ways. I’m not the only one sobbing over what seem like silly things…
Wish I could just give you a big hug!
I have th same chemical issues that you do and I am afraid I break down way too often with my children. I often don’t mention the breakdowns to my husband because I am too ashamed.
I’m sorry you had a breakdown day today. On my bad days, it always helps to know that I know I will do better tomorrow.
I’m sending big hugs.
Alright… I’m fairly sure I have no mood imbalances to blame my “breakdowns” on. I tend to call them snapping points - moments where I just can’t take anymore, and snap. Loudly! Unfortunately, it’s all me at fault.
I’ll spare you the horror story of last Friday, but suffice it to say that it also revolved around naptimes, like your story. And out came one VERY angry mama bear, by the end of it all. Like you, I pulled out my lifeline and called my husband. He listened and empathized, and finally ended up asking (as I was in tears) if he should come home from work. What a silly thought, I realized (there’s that perspective coming into play!). And my reply was, after a heaving sigh, “Well, nobody is dying, so no, don’t worry about it. I guess I just needed to talk it out.”
Not too long ago, I heard a fabulous thought that I desperately try to remember when I get into horribly bad moments like that. It reminds me of my goal to become more Christlike in my parenting:
Christ never said, “Go to your room!” - only “Come unto me”.
How many times have I bellowed, “GO TO YOUR ROOM!” when I’ve become suddenly horrified and angered by the actions of my children? FAR too many. And it still happens often. But I keep trying to remember that thought, and realize that when *we* make mistakes, our Heavenly Father only invites us closer to Him. It’s my goal to be a parent who can do that. Of course, I have to realize that it is absolutely the loftiest goal I could possibly set for myself, to become more like my Heavenly Parents, so I imagine it will probably take an entire lifetime to come close to reaching that goal.
Huh… and now that I think about it, who has the most perspective of all? I suppose it really *will* take a lifetime, if only to gain a fraction of the perspective that God has.
Thanks for all your encouragement. You guys offer more perspective. It’s really great having bloggy friends like all of you around.
Just know that it happens to all of us! I’ve noticed it happening to me a lot more this past month. I think it’s just that Feb. seasonal depression. In a few more weeks we will all be outside and I’m positive that, well, we’ll all be more positive!
I’m so glad to know that it isn’t just me that has this happen. Thanks for sharing this with me. I’ll try to remember Becky’s comments about Christ when I am having my next yelling fit. Thanks and good luck!
I am in tears. I don’t have little children at home anymore. I am close to being an empty nester; my youngest isn’t getting the same support to move out that my older children got. My point is that when you look back on your days of mothering, don’t let the memories of such moments be what you remember. Most of your day, week, month was spent serving, loving, teaching, sharing your life with your family. The joyful memories can be overshadowed by the few minutes of frustration; that is not a perspective we want to keep. Love ya
Oh, sweetie… cyberhugs to you! Everyone has days like this, and I think you hit it right when you mentioned changes in perspective… they really help. Sometimes a change of scenery is in order too. Hope you find some time to invest in just you somewhere soon.
Oh yes, sending the child away definitely benefits the child more than the parent the majority of the time. There have been several times where I have had to throw the miss into her room so I don’t strangle her and can get a grip. It is always good to have perspective in those moments.
I suffer from anxiety and depression too, and sometimes it’s hard to keep perspective about why we are really upset. You did the right thing by sending him off to his room though - I don’t remember being sent to my room as a kid, but I sure remember the times my parents didn’t send me to my room and blew their tops before they’d calmed down.
Much love!
(and no, you probably shouldn’t have known I was LDS. I’m not active, so it doesn’t really pop up that often)
I know that feeling of just needing the child to leave - so you can pull yourself together and not lash out… The summer after Becca was born was not a time that I’m proud of - we had no insurance, I was home with 2 kids and a new baby, watching another baby during the day, and stressed out about finances. Even now with medication keeping things evened out for the most part - there are moments… Ones I’m not very proud of. Abby seems to have the knack to set me off - somehow she’s very good at pushing the exact buttons at the exact wrong time…
I’m sorry that you had a difficult day - I hope the ones since have been better.
Oh, bless you, sweetie. Every mom has been through something like this. I hope today is a better day.
You are truly blessed to have an understanding husband! My closest friend in the whole world struggles from serious depression but is single. Having those around who love you make all the idfference in the world….
I think it’s really great how you share yourself. It helps so many people. I know the Lord uses us to take care of His other children. Thinking of you and hope you’re having a good day. :)
Thanks for being so honest about yourself. I think we all have days and moments like this.