Cleavage? No thanks!
So I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a week or so, hoping that in so doing I would not offend any of my readers.
I’ll start by saying that I was raised in a church where modesty is heavily emphasized. Members of our church are counselled not to wear tank tops, revealing shirts that have low cut neck lines or that are very tight, short shorts, mini skirts - you get the picture. I follow this counsel always, though sometimes it would be dang nice to wear a tank top in the summer.
Anyway, the only time I wear anything revealing is when I’m in a swim suit. Mine is officially a two piece but it looks like a one piece because it has a long top and a skirted bottom, so no midriff showing (no one would want to see the belly jelly anyway), but I’m still slightly uncomfortable in it because it offers no support up top (what swimsuit does) and that make for the tiniest bit of cleavage.
So our family was all dressed for swimming one day last week and we took the elevator in our complex down to the main floor. I was right in front of the door and as it opened I saw a middle aged man standing there. Our eyes met for just a split second but then it was like a magnet, and his eyes were staring right at my chest.
I have never felt more uncomfortable or exposed in my life. I know it’s an automatic draw for dudes and I’m sure or at least I hope it was unintentional. But man, I’ve never had that happen before and I hope it never happens again. I’m very glad I don’t wear anything on a normal basis that reveals even a little bit of cleavage. I won’t think ill of you if you do, but for reasons just like the example above I’m very glad I’ve been raised to be very modest.
What about you, have you ever had a man look at you in a way that made you uncomfortable? Male readers, any input on anything I’ve said?
Comments
22 Responses to “Cleavage? No thanks!”
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I don’t show cleavage on a daily basis because well, I don’t have that much to show. Not that I would show it off if I did, because well let me go on…During the summer (like you said) the swimsuit doesn’t offer that much stability up top. So what little I do have, shows to the world! I too cover up this belly jelly! (haha) So far we have only swam in our own backyard with just family and close friends over, so no lurkers from the perverts yet. But I do feel that if I go to the beach I will be wearing a little cover up so that I won’t feel like the whole world is staring at the chest! And if people look with what little I have, I feel terrible for the ones that have more!!
I don’t have much in the department of ta-tas. I wish I did…but at this point in my life I’m not going to pay for surgery!
Me though, I’m kind of a wiseacre. I would have said something flippant to him. There are all kinds out there…and we just have to deal with it.
It’s too bad that he made you feel uncomfortable. I don’t think the fellas have much of a security issue about thier bodies, and it’s a darn shame that they are able to make women feel ashamed or embarrassed.
Skys last blog post..Late Night
Many times! In fact one of those times was what made me swear off shorts forever. I haven’t worn shorts in about 10 years. But the worst one was when I was only 12, I had been at the beach and was just wearing shorts over my modest 1-piece swimsuit. I didn’t even have boobs yet. My mom and I stopped at the store and some guy driving past whistled at me. My mom was infuriated, and I got major heebie-jeebies.
Memarie Lanes last blog post..Cheap, Easy and Delicious II
I’m with you on this one… I’ve never had a guy look at me like that because I don’t have much to look at. The last bra I bought was size “Nearly A”. Yeah. NEARLY!!
But, I have watched guys check out other people. One gal that I remember was in line in front of me in the grocery store. She was wearing daisy duke shorts and a very low cut tank top. There was a guy between us in line. He was probably in his 60’s. She bent over and he leaned over just a bit as her shorts gapped in the back… then she turned around and he stared at her chest. She didn’t seem to notice but it sure made me uncomfortable!
Melissas last blog post..
Oh my yes, it is so uncomfortable! I have trouble escaping it, as I practically have to wear a turtleneck to hide mine. I’ve always been on the larger side, but since gaining weight over the last several years…well…unless I go bra-less I tend to have a fair bit exposed just wearing a normal t-shirt. It can be embarrassing….and oi…don’t get me started on swimsuits!
I once went out for lunch with an old classmate from college. He smirked! And thanked me for wearing what I’d worn! I was so mortified! And we? Are not in touch anymore!
Kimberlys last blog post..Addlepated
I find this whole phenomenon very uncomfortable.
On the one hand, men react naturally to sexual stimulus, so perhaps women should dress modestly if they wish to avoid these reactions. (The degree of such reactions, and the class or lack of class with which they are expressed, is a different issue).
But on the other hand, why shouldn’t women wear whatever they wish to wear? If men are unable to control their responses, that’s the man’s problem, not the woman’s.
The truth is, I can see sense in both arguments, so I’m unsure where I end up standing on this one.
Judy Onlines last blog post..Hobnobs But No Photographs
I was just having a similar conversation (not about the sexual aspect so much) with my husband. I had to buy a new swimsuit last week (odd, my regular suits don’t fit me when I’m 5 weeks from my due date?). I texted him while shopping to complain that all the maternity swimsuits (which were all tankinis and I really have NO idea if my belly was showing ;) ) showed too much cleavage.
But then when I wore my new swimsuit (the best of the options), I saw a woman wearing another swimsuit I’d tried on . . . and I realized to my chagrin that it wasn’t the manufacturers that gave me a mile of cleavage.
I’ve actually bought a swimsuit before, tried it on for DH (I don’t bring him with me, in case you can’t tell), and, on his advice, returned it because it was too low-cut. Now I’m wondering if it was just me.
I have self esteem issues (and probably back problems, though that could be the baby belly ;) ) because of the kind of attention I get because of my chest (and as clarification, I have the same modesty standards as Summer, so I’m not exactly trying to show off, either)—and really, I’m not that big, and yet shopping for clothing (and especially swimsuits!) is pretty torturous because I already know I’ll never find anything that will fit both my body and my breasts.
@Judy Online—I guess women should be allowed to wear “what they want” (I mean, I’m not in favor of burqas or anything), but why, then, do so many women dress so revealing if NOT to get the attention? Let’s face it, virtually anything that attracts that kind of attention isn’t exactly practical (no matter how hot it is, between air conditioning, swimming pools and the threat of skin cancer).
Jordan (MamaBlogga)s last blog post..New features coming for Blogger (available now in Draft)
In the summer I’m with you, I definitely wish we could wear tank tops… especially when pregnant! Usually I like our “dress code” though, although the worse my legs and tummy area get, the more I’d rather show any cleavage I have to divert attention away from said areas…
All the time! It really does not matter what one wears, men are just like that! I’ve had them stare at my chest when I was wearing a turtleneck! And mine aren’t the perky enhanced ones either!
I have a bad habit of saying things like “Sick old man” or something like that, loud enough for them to hear. I say it even louder if they are with their wife/gf. I tell my husband that one day, my big mouth will get me in trouble! 
Lissetes last blog post..New Look, New Hobbies
I don’t have much up top, so no matter what I wear I won’t show cleavage. But, I wasn’t aware that Mormons couldn’t wear tank tops. I have lots of friends that are Mormon and they all wear tank tops in the summer. Maybe it’s just an AZ thing?
Loris last blog post..How I Grew My Balls- Part 1
I have always been a little curvy. I did have a bit of trouble in high-school, but if I had trouble later…I was oblivious to it. And bathing suits always make me very, very uncomfortable.
Dapoppinss last blog post..Prize winners!
If we ever met in person, you’d understand why I don’t have that “indecent exposure” problem. hee hee
kailans last blog post..Group Writing Project #1
Once I was shopping with a daughter who liked to show off what she was blessed with (and she was very generously blessed). She was around 15. She tried on a shirt and I was telling her it was too tight, too low cut, and that when boys saw her in it, all they’d see were her boobs. Not her beautiful face, her wonderful personality, etc. She’s rolling her eyes at me when this greasy, pimply, gross teen boy walked by and oogled her. Eyes right at the chest the entire time. She just looked at me, then went back in the dressing room and took it off, and put it back on the rack. No further discussion needed. (I sang the Hallelujah chorus!)
Karlenes last blog post..Winner of Hope!
Stumbled on here purely by accident (don’t jump to conclusions, now - I was looking for info on blogs and uploading photos *laugh*)… Since you asked for a male opinion and it looks like you received lots of female responses; I thought I’d join in.
I find the responses almost as fascinating as the blog post.
Look, I can totally see where you (all) are coming from. When a guy is checking out your cleavage, you feel like you’re being appraised, right? I’m willing to bet that outweighs (or even fuels) the disgust factor. Some guy is judging a part of your body that you have no control over.
To get this same perspective, all I have to do is imagine a woman letting her eyes dip down to my pants. I’d react based on my insecurities… “What? Something wrong with me? … my fly down? Why is she looking there?!? JEEZ!”
The thing is… Guys aren’t judging. Speaking as a card carrying breast-man, the only thing that is going through my mind when my eyes dip down is
“Cool.”
I’ve never been so overtly rude as to stare at cleavage with wanton disregard for propriety - especially because I’m aware of the bad feelings it causes… but I will own up to going (slightly) out of my way to check out someone leaning over in a v-neck if I can do so without getting busted.
Why? I really have no idea. I’m a married mid-30 something with kids… I love my wife… and honestly, I have no intentions beyond going for the “cool”.
Thing is… Guys know the rules just as well as women. I know that staring or glancing at at a woman’s chest is rude, so I don’t do it overtly (say, when I’m talking directly to someone). Is it possible that I’ll sneak a slideways glance? Yup — In the same way a woman might sneak a sideways glance at a bum in a pair of size 32 jeans.
I’ve never had big boobs until recently and now they’re huge, so even sometimes when I wear the most modest of tee shirts, “June starts bustin’ out all over!” when I bend over. But I haven’t had a full on blatant stare down like that. That would be SO uncomfortable. And in an elevator?! Like, what do you do? Just stand there and pray for stronger gravity, I guess.
kennas last blog post..How rude of me
Okay, Brian… yes, I’ll sneak a glance at a bum now and again. Actually, I look at everyone’s bum. Why, I don’t know? I just do. It’s completely nonchalant and very non-sexual in nature… I just notice peoples’ bums! Maybe because I’m comparing mine to theirs sub consciously? I’ve always wished for some J-Lo junk. Hmmm..
kennas last blog post..How rude of me
I’m going to buck the comment trend. My cleavage always shows, unless I wear men’s t-shirts. Nothing I can do about it. Seriously. Unless I wear mens clothing, that telltale cleavage line shows. Even when I was active at church, my cleavage was always there, as modestly as I could make it.
Now that I’m not active in the church, I don’t worry about it near as much, and hence, it shows more. But when I was a kid, I had the biggest boobs out of everyone in my grade - until about grade 11, or 12. The boobs were always being ogled. Eventually, you become desensitized.
Nowadays I only notice it when guys are supremely overt, which most of the guys I hang around with are not.
Of course. I also think what’s good for the goose…. I’m a bum-looker. So I guess turn about is fairplay.
Thalia’s Childs last blog post..Bacon Shoulders
Hey I just wanted to say I saw your comment at Rocks In My Dryer and am so interested in your story! I will be looking around your blog tonight! THanks!
Kelseys last blog post..::A Poor Mans Stew of a Blog Post::
Just the other day, my sister and I were at a stoplight and this truck full of….let’s say immigrants….pulled up next to us and started waving, winking, etc. I hate that!!
But no, I have no cleavage to show.
Jackis last blog post..Have yourself a happy 4th!
I have enough that I have a nice clevage but it’s really not alot, there is something to be looked at and i do wear bikinis and while yes there are those that will look for the most part 90% of the time they are looking at my face not my body and I agree with a previous comment they are gonna look if they have no tact. It’s sad that some cant control themselves but I will not walk around in tshirts sweating when I could be cooler in a tank top just to make sure I dont’ have men gawking at me. I deserve the right to choose what I want to wear
Tonis last blog post..Woo Hoo it’s time to win a purse!
This has definitely been an interesting post and comments section to read. It reminds me of one time when I was in Palm Springs at a water park as a teenager and a perverted guy was just standing at the bottom of one of the rides watching girls get off and readjust their bathing suits. Creepy and yes I felt severely uncomfortable! No wonder I tend to wear a t-shirt to and from the pool area when I go.
An Ordinary Moms last blog post..Getting Ready
Another guy comment:
Maybe it is something about the vertical line, just the way it breaks up the horizon that presses you to look. Honestly, if there was a morbidly obese lady with warts all over her body who was walking down the street it would take a conscience effort to not glance at her cleavage and say in my mind “Those are boobs”.
I honestly think it is hardwired in a man’s brain to notice them. When my wife shows me a lot of cleavage on accident I can completely forget what I was talking about and my mind becomes stuck. She doesn’t think it makes any sense, and neither do I, but that is what happens.
Sometimes my wife will pop a boob out (in private of course) to watch me react when I notice it and then my mind freezes and needs to be rebooted.
In public, other people. I agree. I think staring, or purposefully glancing in that direction is rude and a sign of a lack of self control. Just remember for every creep that stares, the rest of the guys say in their minds “Don’t look at the boobs” and make an effort not too. No matter what they (the boobs) are always noticed.