A lesson in whining

So I whined yesterday and I may have even felt slightly justified in doing so. But then after posting, of course, I came across multiple blog posts about things they were grateful for in their lives. And I felt immediately sheepish. Sure, it’s ok sometimes to whine and we all have our crummy days/weeks/months but maybe I wouldn’t have cause to whine in the first place if I focused on what was great in my life instead of what was blah. That simple thought changed the entire rest of my day. Sure I still felt mopey and down and tired but I didn’t have to act it. I didn’t have to be grumpy even when I wanted to. Why is it that so often I am so strongly swayed by my emotions I don’t even realize I have a choice.

In any case, I got thinking about things I am grateful for and I’m not going to pour out a whole list here but I would like to tell you the first thing that came to mind. I don’t know why or where it came from because I hadn’t ever really thought about it like that before but here it is:

About 8 years ago I went on a Mormon pioneer trek. It’s something us Mormons do on occasion in memory of those of our faith who had to cross a vast part of the U.S. to get away from religious persecution. Our trek reenactment was 3 days long. I was an 18 year old girl at the time. In fact, the majority of the participants were young and single. Only one young man had captured my attention though. I spent most of the trek trying to arrange ways to be near him, to talk to him but I wasn’t sure if he noticed or cared. I was also struggling at that time with a severe episode of obsessive compulsive disorder. Alas that I didn’t know exactly what it was at that time, then I wouldn’t have spent so much futile time trying to beat it out of my head. The OCD is always present, but it hits me in waves depending on a number of different factors I won’t go into right now. Suffice it to say I spent most of the trip trying to fight it off with little success. By the second night I felt worse than ever, convinced I was an ugly person inside that no one could ever really like.

I was sitting alone on a log by the campfire that night and once again my thoughts drifted to this young man I was interested in. We had talked a bit but I wasn’t sure how he felt. I was feeling more alone than ever and I imagined him coming and sitting by me just to talk. You can imagine my surprise when a moment later I felt the log wobble a bit and knew someone was sitting down beside me. I was shocked to look up and see that my daydream had come true. He had seen me alone and came over just to talk to me. I married him 4 months later.

It’s amazing to me how I felt more immense gratitude yesterday thinking of this event than I did then. Yes, a silly little daydream came true and I was to twitter-pated to think of much else then but now I realize what a lifesaver he was in that moment. That simple gesture gave me hope that I was a good person and kept me going through the storm I was in. I’m so grateful he wasn’t worrying about whether or not people would make assumptions about us or whether or not he would scare me away. All he knew was that I looked kind of sad. It inspires me to set aside my worries involving myself and do the nice thing. Smile at someone even when I don’t feel like smiling. Compliment a stranger on her clothes or hair. Take someone some cookies just because. Stop assuming they’ll think I’m weird or that someone else will do the nice thing. You never know just how much they may need it.