Feb 24 2009

Sudden Realization

Published by Summer at 6:28 pm under Gratitude, Self Worth

As I cuddled with my husband late one night last week I was feeling particularly emotional. We chatted about this and that and suddenly, through the course of my chatting I had a realization,

“I don’t know who I am anymore,” I said frustratedly

“Oh stop being so dramatic,” came his reply, a smirk behind it.

I was being dramatic. Sometimes it’s fun to say things as though your lines are being read by someone in a book. But dramatic or no, it rang of truth.

Who was I? Who was this new person who had given her business card out to 4 strangers within the last two days? Who was this person who felt glum that she hadn’t had enough human interaction that day?

I suddenly realized that the words I’d always used to describe myself - introverted and shy, didn’t apply anymore. Sometimes I’m still reserved, but if I am it’s because I choose to be. Not because I’m afraid of people or of social situations.

I use to prefer books to friends. While I still love books, I’d rather be with friends if the opportunity arises.

I use to sit as silent observer at social functions feeling awkward and unsure of myself. Now I’m unafraid to voice my opinions, start a new conversation or even make a joke.

I use to sit quietly at public play areas or in church waiting for others to introduce themselves to me. Now I’m the one introducing myself and seeking new friendships.

The change must have been gradual but the realization was sudden and stunning. The person I’d always defined myself as, scattered like sand and slipped through my fingers. The grains that still cling are only memories of her.

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8 Comments to “Sudden Realization”

  1. AnnetteNo Gravataron 24 Feb 2009 at 7:42 pm

    What a *happy* change–and one you’ve surely worked toward.

    Annettes last blog post..About a House

  2. KimberlyNo Gravataron 24 Feb 2009 at 8:17 pm

    I’ve made the same change, and had the same struggle letting go of who I used to be and facing up to who I now am. It’s a happy change indeed, but so disorienting and confusing at times.

    Kimberlys last blog post..Two Months

  3. flip flop mamaNo Gravataron 24 Feb 2009 at 10:02 pm

    What a great post!

    flip flop mamas last blog post..Free Stuff!!

  4. VeRondaNo Gravataron 25 Feb 2009 at 12:11 am

    Well, first I’d like to say I’m in favor of being dramatic. LOL! It’s part of who we are. I loved your story… it seems like a good thing. I’m learning that a change has to happen in order to get what we want. So, you’re doing just that. The whole comfortable thing, which we like, doesn’t challenge us and it doesn’t get us anywhere. Kudos to you and your change… it’s a good indicator that you’re alive.

    VeRondas last blog post..Haters, Holla if-ya Hear Me!

  5. Ma ValNo Gravataron 25 Feb 2009 at 10:03 am

    Sounds wonderful. Funny how those types of realizations just spring themselves on us. Congrats!

    Ma Vals last blog post..Sleeping Beauty When She Lived In The Woods

  6. An Ordinary MomNo Gravataron 25 Feb 2009 at 5:15 pm

    What a beautiful post! Positive change is a tender mercy given to us from the Lord, and I am grateful you have been able to see your own progress … congrats :) !!

    An Ordinary Moms last blog post..Let Go Of The Guilt, There Are Seasons In Life

  7. JennyNo Gravataron 25 Feb 2009 at 10:14 pm

    I had a somewhat similar thought about being introverted verses extroverted. I certainly was very introverted growing up, and still consider myself to be one- but truthfully I act more like an extrovert now.

    Jennys last blog post..Love to eat

  8. tiffNo Gravataron 27 Feb 2009 at 1:41 am

    I’m still trying to work out who I am but I’m happy to read you feel comfortable in your skin. It makes life easier somehow.

    tiffs last blog post..My daughter’s keeper.

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