Not feeling qualified
Do you ever take a step back, look at your children and think, “I have no flipping idea what I’m doing!”
Tonight at dinner it was a fight to get Count Dooku to eat his eggs. He was the last one left at the table and at one point he asked if he could reheat his eggs which had gotten cold. I told him he could and I soon heard the hum of the microwave. Approximately two minutes later he flopped onto the couch and said, “I’m done.”
I didn’t even have to look at the plate to know that I wouldn’t see any eggs. But I also knew they weren’t in the little boys stomach. Opening the garbage can I moved some garbage around to find all of the eggs discarded. I was upset and in one breath I grounded him to his room the rest of the night and from playing the Wii for the rest of the week. I don’t know if that’s harsh or not, but I wish I had taken time to think of something more appropriate for the punishment. I seriously considered making him eat the eggs out of the garbage but couldn’t go through with it. Maybe I’m too soft.
I don’t want any child of mine to develop a habit of lying, but I’m not sure how to prevent it and I sort of feel like I’ve failed already since it’s a recurring problem. This isn’t the first time Count Dooku has lied to me. It’s a stage that has begun fairly recently but seems to be increasing in frequency. I’m sure that’s not unusual for children but I’m having a really hard time dealing with it. Any suggestions?
EDWARD YOUR A HAMSOME GUY ALL IM ASKING IS FOR BELLA TO HAVE THE BABY AND PUT...
When I was a kid and lied to my parents, they never got angry and I’ve always remembered that. They seemed hurt and they verbally expressed that hurt and their disappointment. They explained to me that by lying I was telling them I couldn’t be trusted, and that meant that I wouldn’t get as many privileges, essentially that I was hurting their feelings and hurting myself to boot. It always stuck with me. I still had my bad and shaming moments, of course . . .
I’ve heard of families where if you lie about something (I guess something you’ve done wrong), you get double the punishment.
On the other hand, that can just teach them not to get CAUGHT lying.
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Got me. My 20yo still lies. Much better than I ever did. Appropriate punishment is up to parents. I did try and make some logical consequences but sometimes taking things away is more effective. Hugs hon and good luck.
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I guess the most important thing is to not ever set them up… you know, to be scared to tell the truth. In this particular instance… he didn’t want to eat the eggs. Sounds like you’re pretty upset that he lied… but he must have thought that whatever would happen because he didn’t eat his eggs was worth lying. Some little ones still don’t fully understand the importance of the truth, for purely moral reasons… when lying seems so much more practical. Just keep explaining how much it matters… you can never go wrong with that. Also, remember to pick your battles. I’m SUCH a fan of sticking your ground… but that’s why you’ve got to make sure it’s worth the energy and effort. I hope this makes sense, and especially helps. It’s late and I’m nervous that I’m not explaining what I think very well. I love talking about this kind of thing, so let me know if you want to chat sometime! :)
Answer to your first question, Yes! All the time. Our boy is younger and the only time we have a problem with him lying is if he has messed his pants. This is the kid we are trying to potty train. I’m just wondering how he will ever be trained if he can’t even own up to an accident. Arg. Sorry I don’t have any suggestions for Count Dooku. Good luck!
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Some kids are better at the art of lying than others. Fortunately,, they grow out of it.
I’m just glad your not my mom… eggs out of the garbage….ewwww!!!!
Don’t worry, I’m sure it crosses all mother’s minds.
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I can’t remember how old Count Dooku is, but he sounds like he’s in a similar stage as my 7 year old. I hope it’s just a stage. It’s so frustrating.
And I’m TOTALLY like you, in that I get angry and issue some random punishment just for hte sake of punishing. I SO often wish I had taken a deep breath and thought things through first. Sigh. Maybe that’s a stage I’LL grow out of. I hope so.
When I was a kid, (back in the day when playground slides were still made out of metal, seat belts were optional, and it was okay to let babies sleep on their tummy) I pulled the same stunt on my parents. Unlike you, my parents did make me eat what I had thrown out. While I was waiting for my mom to finish sanitizing whatever it was I threw away my dad gave me a lecture about trust, how you lose someone’s trust, what happens when you lose someone’s trust, and how hard it is to gain it back.
Granted, now a days, this kind of parenting isn’t really smiled upon.
As far as discipline goes, I try to think about hamburgers. They start with a nice soft bun, meat in the middle, end with a nice soft bun. Start with a little sympathy, then let them know what was wrong and what’s going to happen, and end with a little encouragement.
Don’t get discouraged (I know, easier said than done)! Just like real light bulbs, you’ve got to keep on ‘twisting’ those lessons in until the little bulb in their brain connects with something and lights up with understanding. Also, you’re their mom, you know them better than anyone else; you’re the best mom they could have.
P.S. You’ve got to give my parents some slack. I was a pretty defiant kid (There’s a reason there are 6 years between my sister and I). This episode didn’t scar me for life as far as I’m concerned, and I love my parents very much for all the grief they put up with in raising me.
Every day I feel unqualified. I have to keep reading my 5 minutes of parenting books each day to remind me how to act bc it’s so unnatural sometimes still.
Oh I so would have made him eat the eggs out of the trash! But cheerfully, like “that’s the logical consequence “and “yes, it’s gross, but I still love you enough to teach you something” kind of attitude. It’s so easy to explode with a consequence that either doesn’t make sense or could never be taken seriously, but if you can show a total lack of anger…then they’ll see you as being in control (and not just emotionally) and they will really start listening. (I’m still working on that, can you tell?)
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I used the ” one minute discipline” technique to explain expectations. Lying was always worse then what ever else happened. It does come down to picking your battles. What will be most important tomorrow.? Also, I would ask myself how I would want this particular child to treat his/her children, my grandchildren, and I used that for motivation to temper myself.
Every day I feel like I have no “flipping” idea what I am doing when it comes to parenting. Especially when it comes to my 4 year old spirited son. But, I am trying to learn how to not fly off the handle at them and how to be a good example to them. My 4 year old son seems to be picking up a lot of bad habits from me. Oops.
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