Motherhood is learning

Sometimes, being a mom is hard. Let’s just acknowledge that straight off. There are some days I want to cry or pull my hair out because of how things are going with the kids. But I think I’ve realized that those feelings don’t make me a bad mom. They just make me human. They also make me want to continue striving to be a better mom, which is a great thing, as long as I don’t set my expectations in a place above and beyond reality. That being said, most times being a mom is amazing. Notice I didn’t say easy, I don’t think it’s ever easy. But the rewards far outweigh any discouragements. I look at my three children and my heart is full to the brim with love. Each one of them is so unique.

Count Dooku is as eager for learning as I am. We both love to watch nature shows together and marvel at God’s amazing creations. He soaks everything up like a sponge and spouts all the facts he’s learned at random. He is the friendliest little guy, waving and saying hi to people we pass in public places and giving everyone a great smile. And oh, his self-confidence! I hope he never loses faith in himself. Just this morning he exclaimed, “Mom, I’m getting older. I can’t run quite as fast as a cheetah anymore.”

Obi Wan is the cuddliest, most loving little boy on the planet. He is always full of kisses and hugs for his family. He draws me endless pictures of hearts and rainbows to express his love. He is also incredibly thoughtful. He and I went alone to the store last week and at the end of the trip I bought him a pack of M&M’s. He opened his bag in the car and was busy munching on the way home, but at one point he stopped eating and folded the bag. When I asked him why he stopped eating he informed me that he was going to give the rest to Count Dooku and Sassy. How my heart melts when my kids are so thoughtful and kind to each other! He is always thinking of his siblings and wanting to share his treats with them.

Sassypants makes me smile and laugh at least a thousand times a day. She wakes up in the morning, talking happily to herself until I wake up. Then she always insists on bringing her two teddy bears and two blankies out with her to the kitchen table for breakfast. She loves her big brothers so much and tries to do everything they do. She runs through the house with them, screaming in her high pitched voice, her curls bobbing up and down. She jumps off the couch onto pillows and wants to play with the cars and trains just like her brothers do. But she still has her girly side. She happily sits in my lap while I mist and comb her hair. I love that she lets me put it in pigtails or braids. And she loves to wear dresses on Sunday. I could kiss her chubby little cheeks all day, and when she holds my hand she still wraps all of her fingers around just one of mine. She is a little bundle of contagious energy and joy.

Each child was born with a distinct personality and seeing that, has increased my testimony that we existed before our time on earth and will continue to exist beyond. There is so much more to come. I don’t think death is an end to learning and growing and experiencing. I think it’s a whole new beginning. I mourn more for those that are left behind more than those who have gone on ahead.

It’s amazing what my short time being a mother has taught me and I know there is much more that I can learn. There will be days where I will go to bed exhausted, wishing for a moment that the kids were grown up already, but those moments will be fleeting. Someday their youth will be gone, and like me, they’ll be wishing they could have it back.