My thoughts on Depression
I think most people have seen commercials for anti-depressants. Many of these commercials feature gray toned scenes with lackadaisical looking people sitting around. They mention sadness, loss of interest and other “blue” sounding symptoms. Depression can be sadness and loss of interest but these types of symptoms are not the only ones. Depression is a multi-faceted illness. The root cause may typically be the same but the way each person responds will be completely different.
For me personally, depression signifies one major thing: feeling worthless. It doesn’t matter what led me to feel that way, it just matters that I do feel that way, and on a consistent basis. The inability to shake these feelings of worthlessness away is the resulting illness called depression. I have dealt with and will likely always deal with varying degrees of depression throughout my life. I’m not talking about feeling sad and down like all humans do on a regular basis. I’m talking about when the sadness or feelings of worthlessness won’t abate even though I can see that they make no sense.
But would I be one of those pictured sitting glumly on the couch doing nothing? No. Not because that’s not a truly relevant response. For some it is. It’s because I exhibit my symptoms of depression in a different way. My short temper becomes shorter, I become more cynical of those around me and my outward attitude becomes one of nonchalance in general, though that is far from what I feel inside. In short I lash out in anger. Anger because of my inability to control my feelings, anger at others who I see exhibiting the very same faults I wish I didn’t have. It’s still depression, I’m just responding in a way that most people wouldn’t recognize as depression. That being said, I definitely do have my couch days. Days where I can’t think of a reason why I should even try. But therein lies my point.
I still have a choice.
When I say that, I don’t mean a choice about how to feel. I know first hand that happiness is not something you can make yourself feel when in the throes of depression. But those feelings do not have to dictate my actions. Yes, it is sometimes physically difficult to get up and get going when I’m feeling depressed but it is still my decision whether or not to do so. And we all know that to mope around and let things get more out of control because we do so, will only make us feel more depressed. Getting up and staying active is important. It doesn’t mean that we can necessarily cure our depression, but staying busy helps to take our mind off of the feelings we can’t shake. And an even bigger help to our souls is to do something for someone else. To feel of use to others is the biggest boon to our darkened state that we could possibly get. Stop wishing for someone to notice you and go out and notice others. If you’re sitting around wishing someone would call you just to say hi, call someone else instead. Make something and just show up on a friends doorstep with your creation. Think of it this way - if you would like it, if it would make you feel more loved, then chances are others will feel the same way. And you’ll feel happier just knowing you made them feel that kind of happiness.
It’s not the answer to depression. It’s not a cure. There isn’t one. But those of us who struggle with depression, can do more than just endure it. In addition to taking medication if necessary, we can strive to take our minds off of it by doing good things for our family or for others. And when we feel so burdened by it we can hardly breathe, we can pour out our feelings to God or to a friend or other person who will just listen and let us know we are indeed, very much loved.
EDWARD YOUR A HAMSOME GUY ALL IM ASKING IS FOR BELLA TO HAVE THE BABY AND PUT...
Yes! This is such a great way of describing it. I appreciate people who compare it to other illnesses or an injury, say a broken leg, because no, it’s not your fault, and there’s nothing you can to necessarily fix it. But those comparisons leave out the element of CHOICE.
If you have a broken leg, you can’t walk on it. If you have depression, you can choose how to behave, if not how you feel. There is a huge difference. Thanks for this post!
I totally agree. I used to think that I had to act according to my feelings, but somewhere along the line, I came to the same realization as you. I may FEEL awful, but I can still get up and do something. I tell my feelings, “Thank you for sharing,” and then go on and do what I need to do.
Most of the time.
You are so completly awesome Summer. I am very impressed by your thoughts on this… and how strong you are to act in such a healthy and brave way, when it could be easier to do so much less. You are quite inspiring, actually. Thank you for your beautiful commentaries on life… I appreciate you!
I love how perfectly you put my own feelings into words here. I’ve recognized that same choice and while I don’t always remember…when I do, it’s so…mmm..what’s the word? Energizing almost. Like this little jolt of a realization striking home. I do have a choice…so very many choices every day. The way I feel doesn’t have to dictate how I live. And how I choose to live often influences how I feel.
Thanks for that reminder.
Summer, you are so amazing. As I have watched Grandpa struggle all of these years, he always picked himself up and went again, and you are doing just that plus some. You are so right. If you feel emotionally drained, go do something for someone else. Best therapy in the world. When my cancer gets me feeling bummed, I go over to the cancer center and help someone worse off than me and I feel better right away. Hang in there and keep up the good work. I am so happy you have analyzed the problem so well.
Love you bunches, Grams
This is probably one of the best descriptions I have ever read about depression. And it helps. It helps me understand myself and others better.
And thanks for the reminder about the choices we need to make.
This is great, Summer. Thanks
I think you described it perfectly. I was diagnosed with depression during this pregnancy and it scared me! I had no way of controlling the thoughts in my head.
Gorgeous. I love reading this from your point of view. I’ve definitely learned something here. This is a truly fantastic post.
I was stopping by to ‘check’ on you as a former client of DSWP, but the top of your header caught me - I’ve believed the same exact thing for so long - my life simply CANNOT be about my kids. For some reason, that just seems ridiculous to me! Although I love them and protect them, et al, it seems silly for an adult to spend all their time guiding a child. Anyway - it was worded very well by ms. Carr.
And this point - oh my girl, I’ll be back to read more that you post. I too experience depression - severe depression at times - a lot of the time actually - where I am absolutely paralyzed by fear/ self-loathing/ racing thoughts/ inability to form a coherent thought - I can attest to their being physical symptoms of depression too.
I needed to read this today. There is this balance to keep - making sure that I don’t ‘wear myself out’ and making sure that I put in the effort to DO whether or not I FEEL like it.
And I can so relate to the creativity too - being creative is like a ray of sunlight in my day - piano, web design, all of it - its like a deeper therapy. :)
All the best to you, Summer, keep writing!! You’re definitely helping lots of people with your apt descriptions and your courage to go on!