No Regrets

A few weeks ago my husband received a phone call from his mom. She was letting us know that Tom’s dad was being placed on hospice care. Hospice care is essentially end of life care. It’s an effort to make the patient as comfortable as possible as they are dying. Now please know that although Tom is only 30, his father is 80. Tom is the 12th of 13 children so this was not wholly unexpected. And at this point, though it will be hard to lose his father, we both agree that it won’t be a negative thing. Along with other medical conditions, Tom’s dad has Parkinsons and his quality of life is very poor.

Of course, it could be months before anything happens but Tom flew out to Utah for the weekend after the phone call to spend some time with his dad and family. His father can’t even get out of bed some days. Other times he has so little control of his legs it’s dangerous for him to try walking around the house because he stumbles badly. He’s had to give up his woodworking hobby as well.

It just breaks my heart and I will be none to sad when he his released from a body that has become a prison. I’ll be so happy for him when he passes on and is greeted by his first wife who died many years ago. You see, I believe in life after death with all my being. This crazy place we live in, it’s only one stage in our existence. There is so much to learn and do and become after we pass on.

Knowing he might pass soon has made me pause and think more closely about my life. If I knew I were going to die soon, what regrets would I have? What would I have wished I could have accomplished or seen? Would I feel too much had been left undone?

I look at Tom’s father, a father of 13 children, grandfather to 40+ and great grandfather to many. A man not without fault, but one whose intentions have been noble. A man who has performed hard physical labor all his life to feed his large family, one who genuinely loves them and all of his posterity. A man who is loved in return.

What I feel is most important to experience and do before passing on, I have already accomplished. I feel the beauty, every day, of unconditional love from my husband and children and I love them, every day, just as deeply. That doesn’t mean there aren’t other things I would want to do or people I would want to help, or ways I could be a better person. But if I should pass before old age has a chance to claim me, I would not want anyone to feel it a tragedy for my sake. Life continues on after this and the only ones we need truly sorrow for are those left behind on earth.

I’m glad Tom’s father has had such a long time to live and learn on this earth. We don’t all get that chance so it’s important to make the most of every day we are given. That doesn’t mean making radical life changes all at once. It means doing little things each day to better ourselves and the lives of those we love, so that whenever we find ourselves going back to our heavenly home, we’ll have joy in what we did accomplish and a clear conscience in knowing we were trying to do more.