Dinner at our house

Because I like to keep it real. *snicker* Or maybe I just like to embarrass myself.

Me: Yummy pizza honey. Thanks for making it

Boys: Thank you daddy!

*munch munch munch*

Hubby: BU-URP!

Me: *said with a slight smirk on my face - I thought you made a rule that there was no belching at the table.

Hubby: *with a twinkle in his eye - Oh yeah.

Count Dooku: I have to go potty!

Me: Alright already, go.

* Hubby teases me as I eat, mischevious grin forms on my face*

Me: BE-ELLLLCCCCHHH!

*Chorus of laughter rings out from Count Dooku in the bathroom and Obi Wan at the table

Count Dooku: Burp. Burp. Burp.

* Obi Wan laughing

Count Dooku: I just tooted!!

Me: Thank you for the play by play of your bowel movement son. Really.

*munch munch munch*

Obi Wan: Mama, you’re a chicken!

Me: Well you’re a chocolate cake!

Obi Wan: You’re a grass!

Me: You’re a Grape!

Obi Wan: You’re a ewephant!

Me: Well you’re a BE-LLCCCCHHHH!!!!

*Uncontainable laughter from both boys and one husband desperately trying to stifle it.

Count Dooku: More mom! More!!

Me: No, no, I’ve gotta stop. You’re father will never kiss me again if I don’t.

Some of our dinner times are more entertaining than others

August 9, 2008 | Filed Under Family, Humor | 13 Comments 

Woman, behold thy downfall

It’s been a very good thing that I haven’t had Hostess Jelly Filled donuts available to me for 6 years. But now, they’re within my grasp and I. Don’t. Think. I. Can. Resist.

July 26, 2008 | Filed Under Humor | 11 Comments 

How NOT to shop

1. Don’t forget to get a special cart meant to hold three children. You’ll need them tightly strapped in when you go looking for that new shirt. Otherwise you’ll find yourself scared half out of your wits by a head or two popping out through the clothing rack. Maniacal boyish laughter will ensue and you’ll try to track it from clothes rack to clothes rack.

2. Be prepared for an onslaught of “Please!” “Just one!” “Mom!” “But Mo-ooooooom!” “Only jus’ one okay?” “I’ll eat all my dinner!” “Hmph!” “You’re so mean!” and the like.

3. It is imperative that you remember, that the baby is getting bigger, her arms are getting longer, and therefore she can reach for things. That mangled and slobbered on deck of Old Fish cards that mysteriously presented itself at the bottom of the cart at check out time? All her doing.

4. It is also imperative that you remember your 6 year old is getting old enough to be very sneaky. Case in point - the transformers toy he shiftily grabbed out of the cart and stuck on the belt very first, hoping you wouldn’t notice.

5. Ack! What in the?!? Who put 7 snickers bars in here? The 5 year old was just following suit I suppose.

The moral of the story is - All of this could have been avoided by simply NOT shopping with the children. When will I ever learn?

July 23, 2008 | Filed Under Humor, Kids | 21 Comments 

Beautiful Celebrity Faces

UPDATE due to a couple of comments: This post is about facial beauty only. Just because I think these ladies have lovely faces, doesn’t mean I support everything they do.

10. I first saw Scarlett in Girl with a Pearl Earring, and was struck with her likeness to the picture that appears on the cover of the book. If you haven’t read it by the way, you must. I love Scarlett’s chubby cheekbones and full lips.

9. Katie Holmes seems to be the kind of girl that can fit into dressing down or glamming up just fine. She’s cute, she’s pretty and she’s beautiful all from one moment to the next. I saw her in Batman Begins and loved her. Her performance in the Batmobile, having a severe panic attack, gave me chills. She was pretty spot on with that.

8. Natalie Portman also sports cute and glamorous very well. I think she has a very classic look and a mischievous sexy smile thanks to that well placed mole of hers.

7. Rachel Weisz is just gorgeous. I love her dark wavy locks and her welcoming face. She’s a classic beauty with a British accent to boot!

6. There are some child stars you can just tell are going to grow into great beauties and I knew Emma Watson was one of them the moment I saw her in Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s Stone.

5. Lindsay Lohan was another one who started out cute and ended up beautiful. I don’t know what it is about her face, but I just can’t believe how beautiful she is every time I look at her. And that gorgeous red hair?!? To die for!

4. The first time I saw Jennifer Connelly was in Labyrinth when I was a kid. Still one of my all time favorite movies by the way. I thought she was amazingly beautiful then and she’s only gotten better with age. I think she was at her most beautiful in A Beautiful Mind, another movie you ought to see if you haven’t.

3. Way back in 1997 a made for TV movie premiered called True Women. I was in awe of the beauty I saw in a young Angelina Jolie. Her dark hair, her perfect pout, her big eyes. I still think she’s absolutely stunning. Oh and can I just tell you all what a freaking awesome Lara Croft she was in Tomb Raider. She had the look, the grunts, the moves all down pat. I know, I played Tomb Raider a lot when I was younger, and I loved seeing her bring Lara to life. Yeah, I’m a dork.

2. Olivia Williams played Jane Fairfax in the BBC version of Emma, with Kate Beckinsale, my favorite version of Emma ever. I was in awe of the natural beauty I saw before me. So simple, so raw but somehow so elegant. She’s still gorgeous. If you haven’t seen her latest film, Miss Austen Regrets you are definitely missing out.

AND my number one choice for most beautiful celebrity face is…

…

…

…

…

…

Me of course! :tongue:

July 15, 2008 | Filed Under Humor, Random | 15 Comments 

I couldn’t make this stuff up!

Really. I’ve got a decent imagination but not one this good. The types of events I imagined when I thought of interacting with my own children before I had them, don’t come close to most of the events that have actually happened since they’ve arrived. My day dreams never involved such vast amounts of urine. In fact, they never involved urine at all. But now that I’ve got two boys, that’s a lot of what our interactions are about. Questions like, “Who sprinkled on the floor?” and “Who forgot to flush the toilet?” are asked frequently. I pretty much clean pee off the toilet and floor every day, once even off the top of the toilet, but yesterdays urine happening tops them all. Oh yes, are you ready for this?

Hubby, Count Dooku and Obi Wan were playing a game of Go Fish while I was busy getting Angel girl ready for her afternoon nap. After she drank her milk I laid her down in her crib and went into the kitchen to load the dishes. I could hear her softly whining and knew she was almost asleep. That ’s when Count Dooku leapt up announcing that he had to poop (yeah we’re working on getting him to stop announcing these things). No sooner had he entered the hall bathroom than Obi Wan leapt up announcing that he had to pee. I told him he would have to wait until his brother was finished. We have a bathroom in our bedroom but going in there when Angel girl is still awake and then leaving will throw her into a frenzy.

Obi Wan walked into the hallway and in a matter of seconds I heard his voice saying, “Mommy, I have to pee bad!” I recognized the urgency and knew I had to do something. I ran into the bathroom to find Count Dooku sitting on the toilet and Obi Wan with his pants around his ankles, holding himself and dancing. Thinking fast I told Count Dooku to scoot up just a bit so Obi Wan could pee into the toilet behind him. But I was too late. Obi Wan simply couldn’t hold it anymore. Suddenly pee was spraying in three different directions through Obi Wans fingers as he was still trying to “hold” it in. He was peeing on Count Dookus bottom, the floor and the counter top simultaneously.

Count Dooku jumped up screaming, I was screaming and shielding my face from the spray and pushing Obi Wan toward the toilet. None to soon he finished but barely any of it got in the toilet. I just stood stunned for a moment as I looked at my two bare bottomed boys. Both with pants around their ankles. Both soaked in urine. I moaned a bit as I took a sloshing step backward, but then I started laughing out loud as everything replayed in my head and the boys joined in. It was the strangest family bonding moment we’ve ever had. Boys!

July 5, 2008 | Filed Under Humor, Kids | 17 Comments 

Graduation Congregational

Count Dooku’s final day of kindergarten was last Wednesday. We received a note several days prior stating there would be a kindergarten program that day. I was hoping this wouldn’t end up being a “graduation” ceremony because I think like Mr. Incredible in that respect.

Bob Parr: It’s not a graduation. He’s moving from the 4th grade to the 5th grade.
Helen Parr: It’s a ceremony.
Bob Parr: It’s psychotic!

I think the graduation ceremony should be something really special, saved only for seniors, for the kids to look forward to all through school. Anyway, I arrived at the school at 9:15 and went into the auditorium to find seating was already very limited, but I managed to squeeze in to the middle of a row. The children came up on stage as the crowd clapped and proceeded to sing eight different little songs in English and Spanish. After that, the school principle got up to make some closing remarks. Here is where Count Dooku’s kindergarten program, became a cultural experience for this little white girl from the midwest.

Principle: We are gathered here today, to celebrate these glorious little children, in their kindergarten graduations
Some of the crowd:Mm Hmm.
Principle:And to commend them (pause)
Some of the crowd: Mm Hmm.
Principle: For their efforts, at school this year.

The Principle’s voice seemed to increase in volume right before a pause, after which would immediately follow a chorus of satisfied Mmm Hmmm’s. But the best was yet to come.

Principle: You children, you are graduating from Kindergarten today. But are you going to settle, for just a Kindergarten education? No!
Crowd: Mmmm Hmmmmmm.
Principle: Someday you’ll graduate from sixth grade, but are you going to settle for just a sixth grade education? No!
Crowd: Mmmm Hmmm.
Principle: Someday, you’ll be graduating from High School. (Dramatic Pause) But are you going to settle for a High School Education?!?
Crowd: Mmm mmmmm. (some shouts of No way!)
Principle: You’re going to go on to college! And someday, you’re going to graduate from college. But are you going to settle for a college education?
Crowd: NO!
Principle: That’s right. After college, you’re going to go to graduate school! Yes, moms and dads, we have DOCTORS! and LAWYERs! and SCIENTISTS! and TEACHERS! and FORTUNE 500! BUSINESS! OWNERS! ON!THIS! STAGE!

The crowd simultaneously leapt to their feet, erupting in deafening cheers and clapping. It was absolutely the most contagious enthusiasm I have ever experienced and I found myself clapping and smiling as I watched those children on stage absolutely beaming from this wild attention and encouragement. I shook my head in wonder as I thought of the amazing cultural differences that exist in different parts of America, without which life is not nearly as interesting. I’d have to say that was the most exciting school program I’ve ever been too, and Count Dooku and I both loved it.

June 16, 2008 | Filed Under Humor, Kids | 15 Comments 

A True Fairy Tale

A story Obi Wan told me 5 minutes ago after I told him it was time to pick up.

“Wuts upod a time, der were two boys. Der names were Count Dooku and Obi Wan.
One day, dey maked a huuuuuu-uuu-uuuge mess! Da boys tell’d der momma, “You cwean up dis mess!” Der momma made da mess aw cwean. Dee End!!!”

In your dreams little man.

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April 11, 2008 | Filed Under Humor, Kids | 14 Comments 

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