Lyle and Parkinsons Part II

Shortly after we came Lyle received a new hospice aid. Her name was Whitney and she was amazing! She was a spunky young girl with lots of energy and lots of love. She came nearly every day to help care for Lyle for an hour or two and she was so good to him. She would laugh at all his jokes and puns and tease him just as much as he teased her. She would clean his bathroom, change his bed sheets as needed, read to him, check his vitals and more. She also took the time to talk to me and my kids. She was very excited to meet the baby that I would be having soon and we she quickly became more than an aid. She became a family friend.

I remember watching Whitney shave Lyle every other day. The amount of stubble he grew in that time wasn’t worth shaving in my opinion but I think he simply enjoyed the feel of the electric razor massaging his face. He would lean back in his chair and close his eyes and let Whitney gently take care of the tiny amount of growth. It looked relaxing to him and it made me smile to watch.

Lyle certainly did enjoy a good massage. He had quite a few different electric tools plugged in around his bed for massaging stiff and sore areas and he always had his muscle cream nearby. I think it was probably a generic version of Bengay and I definitely dreaded him pulling it out. It had the most powerful odor - kind of how I would imagine moldy peppermint smelling like. I could be in the basement and know he was putting it on upstairs it was so strong. But there were times that I braved the smell and went to apply it if I could see he was having particular trouble getting his foot to stop shaking.

Various parts of Lyle’s body would get that quiver at times throughout the day. One of his feet was particularly affected. Occasionally one or both of his hands might have some slight trouble and sadly even his mouth muscles wouldn’t function right at times. I knew before tending Lyle that Parkinson’s made people shake. What I didn’t realize what that it was a very painful thing. That the muscle, constantly rigid and unable to rest, made for extreme soreness and pain - thus his massage chair, and massage wands, and pain cream. It was nice be able to to help him at times by holding a massage wand where he needed it but how I wished that his lack of muscle control didn’t have to be accompanied by such discomfort.

Lyle and Parkinsons

I’ve been feeling inspired to write a little bit about Tom’s dad and my observations and interactions with him and Parkinsons’s disease when he was still alive. Lyle has been gone almost a year now.

One of our considerations in moving into the basement of Tom’s parents house was that we would be able to help care for Lyle. He had been placed in hospice care in November of 2009 after a severe infection had everyone thinking he would die. He had been dealing with Parkinson’s for a number of years already and he actually felt and hoped it was time. Family flew out (including Tom) to say their good-byes. But almost a year later he was still alive and still on hospice as he kept very gradually declining.

When I first saw Lyle (it had been a few years) I was pretty shocked at how frail he seemed. The fairly large gut I remember him having was gone and he had become quite gaunt, more gray, more wrinkled. But he still had that same twinkle in his eye as he greeted our family. Tom’s mom, Lyle’s wife Nita, filled us in about how things with Lyle worked.

Lyle had a hospital bed set up in the living room and it included a trapeze bar for helping lift himself out of bed when he needed. Besides the life alert necklace he wore, he had a portable push button bell that he would ring if he needed something and no one was in the immediate vicinity. Most everything he needed was set up in the living room - his massage tool, containers of nuts and sunflower seeds, his comfortable recliner with lots of blankets nearby, reading glasses and loads of books, a jug of water and a cup, etc.

When we first came in August he was still walking around a little. He did have a walker if he needed it and my dad who lives nearby had built and installed a ramp connecting the living room and kitchen, since there is a step there. More often than not though, Lyle would insist on trying to walk without any assistance and sometimes I was frustrated with how obstinate he could be about it. Often it would be very apparent to me that he was in great danger of stumbling and falling but he would deny any offers of help. He was determined that he would be as independent as possible in everything he did for as long as he could. I understood and admired that wish and tried to help enable him to be independent as much as possible. But there were also times that I think he ignored or simply didn’t have the judgment to know when he couldn’t do something (like walking or cooking) and I would need to step in and insist he let me take over whatever he was doing. Or I would decide to shadow quietly just behind him hoping to catch him if he fell. I honestly wondered sometimes if he didn’t hope to fall and break his hip. He made it clear on a fairly regular basis that he wished he had “gone home” already and that he felt he was a burden. Unfortunately his disease would become much worse before the end and in a way that none of us anticipated.

To be continued…

The Big 30

I recently turned 30. It’s weird to realize that this once daunting number, doesn’t feel any different than 29 did. And as I thought about it, I realized that 30 is still pretty young when you consider how long people are living these days. I’ve already accomplished a lot in my 30 years and hopefully I’ve got at least 30 more to continue learning and doing. Anyhow, I thought it would be fun to put together a list of 30 things I have done (or have not done) in my lifetime up till now. Here goes!

1. I have never broken a bone (knock on wood)

2. I have never had to get stitches (again, knock on wood)

3. I know how to crochet

4. I know how to cake decorate

5. I know how to play the piano

6. I am married to a really wonderful man

7. I have born 4 children

8. I have lived in Baltimore Maryland

9. I have visited Germany, Switzerland, France and Liechtenstein

10. I completed my High School Education

11. I have not yet gotten a college degree

12. I have created two giant binders (that are always needing updates) about my family history

13. I was an instructor at an annual Genealogy Workshop for 4 years

14. I ran a successful blog design business for a while

15. I know how to create jewelry, from shaping and hammering ear wires to creating beads out of polymer clay

16. I know how to get most household necessities from stores and either get paid for it, get it free or get it really cheap (all completely legally) and wrote a blog about it for a while

17. I have been learning the art of photography and have taken many photographs that are currently up for sale in an etsy shop that I run

18. I know how to prime and paint a room or a piece of furniture

19. If you need information and it’s on the Internet, I can find it

20. I’ve lost two friends to suicide, one grandmother to breast cancer, one grandmother and my father in law to numerous health problems and a niece to kidney cancer

21. I remember life before having the internet. We got it when I was 12. I dove right into it and a life long love affair with instant knowledge and communication

22. I have learned how to multi task to the extreme

23. I have played High School Basketball. My team really sucked so that ain’t saying much but man it was fun and I still love to play when I can

24. I’ve been chased, albeit briefly, by an angry cow

25. I’ve never gone toilet papering

26. I know how to gut and clean a fish

27. I saw the birth of my favorite cat. 14 years later she’s still alive and purring

28. I’ve dressed up every Halloween but two

29. My favorite food hasn’t changed since I was 10. A nice juicy steak with sauteed mushrooms

30. I have never been a home owner. But oh, just two more years and that is so going to change. I can’t wait!

A Birth Story

It was early August. My mother, myself and my three children were packed into our van taking a drive across the country to our new home in Utah. My mom’s cell phone rang. Her sister was on the other end, crying. Their mom was in excruciating pain and had been hospitalized. Tests were being run but it looked as though this might be the end of a long battle with breast cancer for my sweet grandmother.

A couple of days later, while still in transit we received more news. The cancer had metastasized into her liver. She was discontinuing treatment except for medication to control the pain. She was preparing to die.

My mother and I, needless to say, were a mess. Driving and crying and lost in thought. I was 6 months pregnant at the time. How long would my grandma live? Would she get to meet her new great grandson? Could they control the pain so that her death wasn’t preceded by terrible agony? Could I somehow see her before she left?

A few days after we arrived in Utah, my husband defended his thesis in order to earn his doctorate in biology and then he flew out to join us. My mom flew to Houston to be with my grandma. She was prepared to stay indefinitely. Her work was very gracious in letting her do her job long distance. But my mom has always been someone you can count on to get the job done no matter the circumstances.

I called her often to get the latest report on grandma’s condition. She was deteriorating rapidly but the doctors had finally found a pain medication that grandma could handle that relieved her suffering. I got to see her during one particularly good evening, over skype on the internet. She was very thin and frail but she still had her beautiful smile and sense of humor. She was in awe at my swollen belly.

The very last time I talked to her was October 26th. She called me and sang happy birthday to me. It was actually my sister’s birthday. Her mind was obviously very muddled now and her speech slow and slurred. I cried. I had cried many times over those last few months when thinking of her.

She had always been the rock of our family. Patient, loving, a spiritual giant and a great example of a good human being. How could she go? What would we do without her? I hoped that I might have the baby early enough before she died that I could attend her funeral at least.

In the dark morning hours of November 2 I awoke inexplicably at 1:10am. Normally I woke at night because the baby pushing on my bladder caused me to, but this was not the case. I closed my eyes intending to go back to sleep when a few minutes later, at 1:16am my cell phone rang. It was my mother. Grandma had passed away about 5 minutes ago she told me. I was due to have my baby in 5 days. I would not be able to attend the funeral even to say good-bye. I couldn’t understand why everything had worked out in such a way.

The funeral was planned for November 8th and I was also due for an induction that morning. But at around 2:30am the morning of the 8th I knew no induction would be needed. The baby was coming on his own. My contractions seemed very strong to me. I had never felt them so strong and urgent before as I had always had an epidural in place before I dialated very far. Surely I must be at 8 centimeters I thought. But when the nurse checked me I was only a 6. When asked if I wanted an epidural I said no.

You see, I think I felt the need to connect to my grandma in some way since I had not seen her before she died and would not be seeing her before she was buried. I knew that if she could get through the agony of cancer gnawing at her liver, I could bear the pain of childbirth. I wanted to do it in her memory. Of course I wasn’t entirely sure I could trust myself to go through with it, especially if it were a long and difficult labor, so I had been hoping that it might be fast. My hopes were answered.

Fifteen minutes after the nurse first checked my progress, the babies heart rate dropped during a particularly painful contraction. She decided to check me again and found I was at an 8. I remember panicking at that moment thinking, the baby really is coming, now, without any pain meds. From that point on things were a blur. The nurse was calling the doctor telling him he needed to rush to the hospital. I asked to be checked again and I was at a 9. I was very proud of my composure at this point. The contractions were incredibly intense. I had never felt anything like it but I was able to silently bear and breathe through each one as they caused my entire body to tremble. Before the doctor had arrived I knew I was fully dialated. My entire frame was urging me - push! To fight it was torturous but the nurses asked me to try. Just then the doctor walked in, his hair a mess, his eyes still puffy from being awoken out of a dead sleep but in a moment his gloves, mask and covering were on and he was ready.

I pushed as hard as a I could and broke my silence. Oh such pain, such bearing down by the contractions on my body. And then during one contraction the doctor broke my water. I had not known that the pain could be any more intense but as I felt the water gush out of me, the need to get the tiny body out of mine doubled in intensity. I remember as I was pushing thinking, what unearthly shrieking is that? Oh my gosh, that’s coming from me? But I needed the power of my lungs to help me get the baby out. It wasn’t even a conscious choice. Finally my efforts paid off.

The day my grandmother’s body was to be laid in the earth, my tiny sons body emerged. The symbolism of that hit me with poignancy and power. Perhaps the timing of it was her way of saying good-bye to me personally. Perhaps she had been getting to know my little one in Heaven before he came down. But as I looked at my baby and thought of my grandma I realized while these mortal bodies come and go, our spirits are forever. I can’t wait to see her again.

Homemade Jewelry

A year or so ago I decided I wanted to learn how to make jewelry. I bought a basics book, some necessary supplies and set to work. I can’t tell you how incredibly easy it really is. I mean really really easy. And so much cheaper than buying from Claire’s or something. And the best part? When you find an awesome shirt like this:

You don’t have to search high and low for jewelry that matches. You just buy some beads and make it:

Carved cinnabar, blue dyed howlite and silver plated spirals.

Or say you have a lovely shirt like this:

Dress it up with a homemade necklace:

Freshwater pearls of assorted size and hue, faux lapiz lazuli and aventurine

Just a little imagination or some good instructions and you’ve got some custom creations you’ll love! Below are some links to help you get started.

Jewelry Lessons.com - a place to download free or paid tutorials and tons of different styles of jewelry

Beadage - This one has a some very nice step by step tutorials and photographs of others creations

About.com Jewelry - Beginner Earring projects.

WigJig.com - Lots of jewelry tutorials of all varieties.

An addition

I’ve not been myself for quite a few weeks now. I broke down in church on Sunday sobbing uncontrollably during a hymn. A few weeks before that I broke down sobbing in the car after I missed getting a breakfast burrito at McDonald’s by about 3 minutes. I’ve been carrying a plastic grocery bag with me everywhere and I’ve been ravenously hungry, on the verge of puking and disgusted by all food in sight, all at the same time on occasion. But they’re worth it every time right?

Due early Nov. 2010

Finished Decoupage Box and Blocks Project

So I thought the end result turned out so well I wanted to share. I added the alphabet to my blocks and painted and decoupaged a box for them to go in.

Go ahead. Try doing something new today!

Decoupage Decorative Blocks

I got the urge to make something completely new today and I found the world of decoupage. It’s crazy easy stuff but can yield really amazing results. I decided to decorate some wooden blocks and show you how I did it.

1. First you’ll need an assortment of pretty coordinating paper.

2. And you’ll also need some wooden blocks which you can find at most craft stores, along with the pretty paper.

3. Now you need to cut the paper into squares that are about the same size as the sides of your block. If they’re not perfect, that’s ok. You can fix them later.

4. Now, using some Mod Podge or other decoupage paste, coat one side of your block in a thin layer of paste and put a square of paper on it. Make sure you press down on all the edges for a secure seal. Wipe away any glue around the edges.

5. If you find your paper is a little big, you can trim it to fit with a pair of scissors.

6. Continue adding papers to each block to complete all sides. Be sure to let each block dry completely before the next step. Assuming you’re going to do the next step anyway. It’s optional. Once they’re dry you can sand the edges of each block if desired.

7. Spray each block with some clear coat acrylic spray and let dry. Now you are finished. I added some alphabet stickers to all sides of each block later to give to a friend as baby room decor for a baby shower gift.

Moving

Around six months ago my husband came home from work and said boldly, “I see a path!”

I knew it meant trouble before he even started explaining. Long story short, he had decided he wanted to go to law school. He had been toying with the idea of becoming a patent agent for a while but when he realized patent lawyers do a similar job but make more money he decided law school might be worth it. Surprisingly enough, I was on board with this plan by the very next day. It just felt right. And besides, what’s three more years of school when you’ve already done eight?

So in December he took the LSAT and scored a 172 (99th percentile). If only his graduating gpa had been just a tad higher we might have been able to attend our dream school with that kind of number. We got accepted to 7 different schools and two of those schools offered us full scholarships, one of them being BYU. Duke offered us a third of tuition which sadly, wasn’t enough to justify going there. The idea of adding 100k + in debt in addition to what we already have just wouldn’t be worth it.

After other school considerations, we finally decided on BYU. Tom put in his deposit and we’ll be moving to Utah this fall.

I know. Utah. The one place I never wanted to go back to. But in spite of my many fears and reservations about returning, I feel at peace with our decision. I’ve been thinking daily about the many positive aspects of moving back and I know my experience will be a good one if I maintain the right attitude. I am happy to see family and friends again.

Oh and for those of you wondering if Tom is simply throwing away 8 years of PhD study, he isn’t. He intends to be a Biotech Patent Lawyer so his Biology PhD will have been necessary for this step. Utah here we come.

A Genealogy Miracle

My interest in family history began as a 14 year old girl. My maternal grandmother had recently gotten into it and presented our family with a blue 3 ring binder filled with pedigree charts and family information she had collected. As I looked through that binder and asked questions about what this thing called genealogy was, a fire was lit. I wanted to fill in all those empty spaces I saw on those pedigrees. Find those names and make our history more complete. I haven’t stopped trying to do that since.

For most of those years I worked on my mother’s family history along with my grandma but my dad’s side kept calling to me. My dad himself knew little about his family roots as he had come from a broken home and his mother had been raised by her step dad. I had some success on my dad’s father’s side but non on my dad’s mothers side. So eventually I decided to call my grandmother and ask her to give me anything she could to help me begin my search. She gave me the name of her Biological Father, a year and state of death, and the information that his parents had died when he was a baby and that is what I started with. Working with that I found his Social Security Number which helped me request an obituary for him. But the obituary held few clues to his parentage. After that I sent for his death certificate and on that were the names of his parents. I was thrilled! But I wanted more. I wanted to know if there were siblings, what happened to his biological parents, who he was raised by, etc. Since I lived in Maryland, there was not much I could do to continue the search though. But I did find someone online, a volunteer at raogk.org who was willing to keep and eye out for information on my great grandpa and his family on his monthly trips to the genealogy library in Marion county Missouri.

A few months passed and he sent what information he found on the surname I was searching, but none of it seemed to pertain to my great grandpa. I had been praying for a long while for help on this line and was certain I was close. Then one day I received an email from this volunteer. I wish I had saved the original copy but it said, essentially this:

On his trip to the library that morning, he had made his usual stop to the section he had been visiting in trying to find information for me. There he saw two men searching around as well. He asked them what surname they were doing work on and found they were looking for my same surname. He then told them the names of the three personages I had asked him to search for information for and found two of them were the same people that these two gentlemen were looking for.

It turned out that these two men, two brothers, were on a genealogical trip and were passing through the county. They had stopped at that genealogical library that day only, within the two hour window my contact would be there. And who were they? They were nephews of my great grandfather. My contact thankfully, collected one of their email addresses and forwarded it to me. I have been in contact with them ever since and they were the key to unlocking much about the family that I would not otherwise have found. They found clues as they researched in different areas and shared them with me. They had names of siblings and places and so much that I needed to continue my research and I KNOW that Heavenly Father directed them to be in that library that day at that hour.

I share this story with you now because tomorrow, they are coming here. I get to meet three brothers, nephews of my great grandfather, three men who I don’t really know but who I love for their willingness to share family information with a stranger. The main brother, Howard, told me a few weeks ago that when he met up with a relative on a connecting line, that relative told him he looked quite a bit like my great grandfather. He said, “So when you see me, I suppose it will be a little like seeing your great grandpa.” And I cried, because I haven’t found any photographs of my great grandpa yet. But I’ll keep looking, because I want more than to find names, I want to know the people behind the names. I feel privileged to be able to meet these distant cousins of mine tomorrow. I’m so excited!